“I found a way to do it legally in a way that is acceptable and not go to jail. That is sick.”

Carol continued. “It is somewhat sick. It is called compensating. You do that with your work too. Remember the comment you made about seeing the same way the microwave does? That was compensation. In your work it is good because nobody gets hurt, you or someone else. In competition you get hurt and so do others.”

“I don’t know if I can give up soccer.”

“It is a great game but you are using it as a crutch. Emotional crutches are not good.”

“Denise, If I get the urge to play soccer, can I call you?”

“It isn’t playing soccer that is bad. It is how you play it.”

Diane lowered her head. “I know what is right. I forget when I get out there. And I am sure that isn’t going to change. I don’t think I can change.”

“I forget when I get one drink. And I couldn’t change. I had only one option.” Denise offered.

“I know what I have to do. But, is it going to be difficult.”

“Believe me, I know. We all do.”

She hugged Denise. “I have one more confession. I didn’t like you when you were on School Days. I thought you were a selfish, egotistical snot. I am sorry. You are actually a decent person.”

“Denise version 2.0 may be a decent person. A year ago I was Denise version 1.0. I hate to even think about that person. She was so evil.”

Carol responded. “Just remember she existed, that you don’t want to go back and revive her. But go on working on holding the gains you have made and improve Denise 2.0. If you do that, who knows what you can be.”

“I know there are still places I don’t do as well as I would like.”

Diane responded, “Well. I think we all have those places. And I know that if we clean up one of them we will find another. There is a song we use in the coffee houses. It is a real old song. We have upgraded the music. It is called Higher Ground. The first verse starts “I’m pressing on the upward way, new heights I’m gaining every day.” I just realized that I have an eight hundred foot tower to climb.”

Denise’s eyes got big. “Really, that is a long way up.”

Carol laughed. “She is a blond. Denise, she meant that this is going to be tough, like having an eight hundred foot climb.”

Diane nodded.

Denise looked up, “I’m sorry. I missed that. I guess I am dumb.”

Diane got stern, “Denise, please don’t ever use that word to describe yourself when I am around. You are a pretty smart woman who has done a few very dumb things. It looks like you got some help to learn that and you made good use of that help. None of that is even borderline dumb. It is pretty smart. Look at me, I claim to be smart, with degrees and training. And I have been doing stupid things for twenty years and didn’t know it. You helped me see it. You just don’t know everything. And neither do I.”

Karen: Chapter One – The Attack

Karen Chapter 33 – Diane Tells Her Background

Karen Chapter 35 – a Call From the Past