Zoie is found and danger reigns- Carter is controlled.

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Zoie, Zoie’s Quarters, 9 a.m.

Zoie was currently thrashing to escape her captors when Stiff staggered to her feet, swaying back and forth.  It was only moments before her manager began shout at Stiff, who eventually exited the room, looking piteously beaten-up.  Her boss then rounded on Zoie, nostrils flaring slightly and resembling a winded rhinoceros.  “Zoie.” Stevenson released her from the two men, and steered her over to the blanket-strewn bed.  “Zoie, Zoie, Zoie.  Please sit down.  That’s it.”  He took a deep, half-concealed shaky breath.  “Nothing to worry about.  I understand your loss, and the impact it had on you.”  He inhaled deeply again, this time even less masked, and let out a long sigh.  Obscenely, his eye twitched, and he twisted around, looking out a window.  When he turned around, his eyes were glazed, his face looking strangely blank.  Zoie, however, sensing possible weakness, did wish any part in it.  She’d suffered more than anyone, and in her opinion, she was thinking perfectly rational, as any stupid fool should be realizing.  Zoie nevertheless held her tongue, waiting for the idiot-of-a-boss to continue.  “That does not, no matter how angry, no matter how much you don’t like her, give you any, any”—he slammed his hand on the bed next to her—“reason or right to punch my officer!” 

Zoie found herself gently swaying on the bed with her head hung, biting her tongue, praying she wouldn’t open her mouth, to retaliate and justify herself.  Stevenson had randomly flared up as though a firecracker had singed his face.

  “You may be just a mere teenager, but I thought… I thought… I thought you might’ve shone some responsibility and maturity, and to not blow up like a balloon—traumatized or not!” 

Zoie had now reverted to remembering what her father used to say:  emotions are like Rottweilers.  You can feed them, water them, and even teach them tricks, but they’ll always still bite you in the ass.  Interesting advice, because how would someone use their emotions here?  He must’ve been on crack or something…

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Comments (3)
  • Daisy Peasblossom on Apr 9, 2009

    Parts of this one do not quite follow. This may be because I’ve not read earlier chapters, but the action kind of sags in the middle a little bit and I got lost in the transition.

  • Fresh Writing on Apr 9, 2009

    Hello Daisy,

    That\’s mostly because of the dialogue change. Unfortunately, Triond would not allow me to place italics etc. where they otherwise would be; essentially, I entered Zoie\’s sentiment through the defensive side. She is trying to ignore the boss\’ unprofessional gibes, and eventually breaks at the snip at her parents. Carter rushes in, and views the scene in bewilderment, clearly bemused and astonished. Rushing back out at gunpoint, he tries to make it to Stiff\’s office, when an unusual sensation overpowers him…

    That\’s most it (:D), but overall the reason it transitions is because it changes characters; that\’s all. It would be more evident if Triond had not limited my font and bolding style.

    Thanks for reading!

    -Fresh Writing

  • J.L. Eck on Apr 9, 2009

    I understand the deal with the italics, Fresh. The second episode of my condensed novel also lost some meaning due to that fact. I had to chop alot of meaningful text due to that fact alone. Also, not every chapter of most novels is action-packed and full of drama. Readers need to keep this in mind…

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