The prologue for a story I’m writing. It is obviously still being worked on, but the main idea is there. Its only the details that need to be corrected. Still, any criticism would be appreciated.
Atop a hill lay a young boy and girl, both of whom seem to be enjoying the night sky, as well as each others company. She points up at the sky, speaking of life and death, but it all falls on deaf ears. It seems he is far too distracted, gazing at her while his mind wanders off to his own little world. Her smile brings him back to reality, and his makes reality insignificant. She suddenly sits up, a worried look on her face. “Whats wrong?” the boy asks. “We gotta get back,” she replies,” my dad’s gonna kill me.” Realizing why the girl’s father would “kill” her, he jumped to his feet and grabbed her hand, both of them rushing back to the village.
As they approached her home, an older man could be seen (and heard) standing in the doorway. “What the hell is wrong with you, boy!” he yelled, the anger very present in his tone. “This is why I don’t like you around him, nothing but trouble. Before you two met you never caused any problems, but now, its like you want to make me worry.” The boy smiled one last time at the girl, paying no attention to the scolding her father gave them. She returned the smile before the door was slammed, her father’s yelling still very audible. He made his way home now, reality slowly slipping back into place. The door was already open, his mother standing there with a somewhat cheerful expression. “You know I’m the one that has to hear it in the morning,” she explained in a soothing voice. “Well that man can complain all he wants, I’m not going to tell you to stop seeing her. Now go on and get to bed.” As he made his way up the stairs, he could hear his mother speaking quietly to herself. “I swear, he looks more like his father each day. Even acts like him.”
The boy sat up, awoken by a loud noise. He knew it was still night, but there was a flickering light showing through his window. Footsteps were heard rushing loudly up the stairs and towards his room. The door swung open and his mother rushed in, shutting and locking the door behind her. “Mom, whats going on?,” he asked her, noticing the tear streaks down her face. “No time, just get under the bed and stay there,” she explained, her voice showing signs of fear. He did as she said, still unsure as to what was happening. “Now promise me you won’t come out, no matter what, ok sweety?” He nodded his head, and just as she turned, the door burst open.
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