I never expected my first serious boyfriend after my divorce to be wearing the title of criminal by the time our relationship ended. I also never expected to be so familiar with the local Police and have a restraining order in my handbag. This is how it all ended.

I was very “in” when I was admitted into a Rehab center at age of 40. I was a closet drunk and seemingly the most clueless person on earth. I’d watched every great film on alcoholics and managed to miss the resemblance to me. I always felt sorry for those poor people. Each morning I would gag down my vodka in order to get out of bed. Blurry eyed I’d see the ads on television for treatment centers and feel sorry for anyone who’s life was that unmanageable. The morning vodka ritual continued until I could no longer get the stuff down and getting out of bed became a useless endeavor. I was forced to ask a friend for help and surprise of surprises I was the person who needed a treatment center.

Put a 40 year old out of touch women in rehab and add an attractive counselor with a bad master plan, and you’re starting to stand in my soggy shoes. The first two days I was still under the delusion that I was a visitor and refused to admit that it was where I belonged. My new-found hero, the counselor was the only one who managed to break through my defenses. To me he was the only breath of fresh air there. I had no clue that he was actually a very skilled con artist with very little honesty and questionable sobriety. When I was discharged I understood that I was not to drink again and that I would have to give up my “mother’s little helpers” and that terrified me. As luck would have it my counselor lived in the same community and would steer me to the right AA meetings and even counsel me one on one if I wished.

My experiences were very different than Shawn’s, my counselor. He was living with his x wife at the time and he led me to believe he was the hapless victim of her personality. They did not have a lot of money and seemed to live pay check to pay check. This was not my experience. I was blessed to have family money and a cushion to keep me from part time to unemployment. I kept a clean house and treasured my art, books, and children. We’d drink coffee and talk sobriety trying to pretend that an attraction hadn’t been blooming. I believed everything Jody told me. I felt sorry for the guy for being taken care of so poorly. They say that love is blind and this fits the vision I used when listening to him. Why I chose to blame the x wife and champion him is a sad mystery to me now. There were red flags flying in every direction but I ignored them all.

I was established in our town and despite being a sober drunk my standing in the town was not badly blemished. Shawn had arrived in the area 10 years ago. He had followed his wife, x wife now, here when she had become upset with his addiction. This was the explanation that was given to me. It turned out Shawn followed her here because he had stolen a large amount of money from his work place. If I only had opened my eyes before letting him move in.

He moved in with one small bag of clothes, some excellent books and three editions of trivial pursuit. This was supposed to be temporary while he was looking for a place to live. He never found a place of his own and let me mention that when he left two years later he had 5 bags of clothes, my sons trust fund, and my mother’s 6-karat engagement ring. The bags I sent him off with were made by Hefty, the same kind he had arrived with and were left outside my apartment building door.

  Only a few weeks after he moved in he lost his job. Shawn was collecting disability for a severe depression that came over him once he realized I was capable of supporting both of us. He said he was still looking for a job though.

The situation went on for many months. I grew weary with the stagnant routine. I had become the sole support system both financially and emotionally. Even in his loved crazed haze he recognized my displeasure and began a weak job search. After what seemed forever he landed a counseling job in a local wet shelter. Magically the depression lifted as swiftly as it had arrived. His depression had melted all over me.

I was dimly aware that Shawn was not cut from a cloth that I wanted to wear. He was the exact opposite of my ex husband. I kept up the pretense however and introduced him to my father. My dad, also a sloppy drunk, was just grateful I was going to be taken care of and Shawn could have been Jack the Ripper. I now think that maybe he was Jack the Ripper.

My prince was now starting to irritate his new employer and I realized this job would be terminated as quickly as that old depression of his had lifted. This was not the kind of man I wanted in my life or my children’s. Any feelings I had towards him were now close to none.

  When I got home there was a message from him saying he lost his job. I could see the big disability claim in the sky looming our way once again. The worst part of this disability stuff was it gave him license to do nothing. His appetite for junk food had grown and with his first paycheck instead of paying bills he bought Nintendo games.
My new boyfriend had turned into the most annoying and dull teenager you could ever imagine. I wish I had known what the following weeks were going to bring so I could of gotten him out of my life earlier. In a few weeks he was going to become my hero again and an even more dangerous man. Attraction wouldn’t matter anymore.