Rab reached round lazily and deposited the remains of a once gargantuan spliff into the foul fag repositry which adorned his bedside cabinet. His head was now officially melted and from the pit of his ill furnished stomach came a lonesome cry for nourishment. More super sweet, super strong, super quick coffee would just not do this time. No, an oven or maybe even a phone would have to be interacted with. This, was indeed a quandry.

“Fuck it” thought Rab, ” I’ll build another fat one just to take the edge off it while I mull this over” 

A Northern Soul had just come to it’s crescendo and Rab prised himself out his sunken armchair and sidled over to the C.D’s scattered on the floor beside his Hi-Fi.

“Still fucking dynamite after all these years, fuckin classic man” he said to himself.

“Need something a little more chilled now, a man has decisions to make here”

He began hurriedly picking up and discarding discs sometimes pausing to have a little think before finally stumbling across ‘the one’. 

“ah, this’ll do just right, I’ve not heard this in ages. Just right man, just right” 

Ripping the CD from it’s case, he popped it in the machine without a moments haste.

“Harvest – fucking love it” 

“See the lonely boy out on the weekend
 Trying to make it pay” he sang

“Neil Young, never let me down yet”

He pulled his tray over to where he now sat Buddha like on the floor and began to skin up with nimble dexterity. No sooner had he put the final twist on his number than his mobile started beeping.

“who the fucks this fae?” he mused as he flipped open the cover. 

from ANDY: 
Piss Up 2nite wi lads in twn. 
Pauls bands plyn.
U up 4 it

“Fuck” 

to ANDY:
Cannae mate
Fckn brassic mate
totally pink lint

“Fuckin pisser” moaned Rab to himself
“I need to get out this rut man, I’m fuckin skint with no fuckin prospects and no fuckin drive”
“Action is required”
“Can’t be doing wi this work malarkey though, need a scheme”
“NEED A FUCKING SCHEME”

He preyed unto his God: 
“Oh please, Doobie of the Skunkiness, fill my empty head with inspiration”