Laura and I had been friends since kindergarten, which was far before the onset of puberty, so I had no unusual feelings for her until the end of the fifth grade.

I thought to myself, Laura’s kind of attractive.  Laura is different from the other girls.  She’s already my friend, so I don’t feel uncomfortable around her.  Since we were friends, I thought it would be much easier to ask her out.

This theory works for some, but for others-namely me-it is simply a fifth-grade fairytale.  As soon as I fell for Laura, it became impossible to talk to her.  This was okay at the time, however, because Laura was already in a relationship.

Unfortunately for me, the pickle I was in was much bigger than my inability to talk to Laura.  Laura was the gem of our class, and there were already three other guys who were fighting for her at the time.  The problem was, all three of them had a whole lot more jerk in them than I had.  It was like a love connection show, but I wasn’t even on her bachelor list.

Bachelor #1: Greg.

Greg and Laura would frequently get together as boyfriend and girlfriend, then break up shortly afterwards.  This was my first lesson about jerks.  A girl will realize that the guy she is seeing is a jerk, yet she will still chase after him.  Greg seemed to effortlessly reel Laura back to him, and whenever the two got into a fight, we all knew they would get back together eventually.  Finally though, Greg seemed to be thinking of throwing Laura back into the pond altogether and finding a better fish.  Good news for me.

Bachelor #2: Chad.

Chad had been Laura’s boyfriend when I first fell for her.  However, Laura did not seem to be very entertained by him.  Though Chad was a jerk, he pretended to be a nice guy by complimenting Laura and showering her with gifts; however, this didn’t hide the fact that he was a braggart and Laura was nothing more than a trophy to him.  Eventually, Laura became fed up with his attitude, but before she could dump him, he dumped her.  This confused everyone, including Laura.  My guess is that he suspected what Laura was planning and decided to end the relationship himself to protect his ego… (jerk)….  In any case, this was more good news for me.

Bachelor #3: Ricky.

Ricky was a lucky one.  He carried himself as a jerk would, but deep down, he was truly a nice guy (the perfect combination).  He was a tough looking, blunt kind of guy.  I knew he would be a difficult bachelor to beat.  But he turned out to be nicer than I ever expected.

One day, when my bladder got the better of me in school, I ran into Rickey in the bathroom.  We both knew that the other was interested in Laura, and we both knew that she was now available, so tensions were high.  “Hey, Eric,” Ricky called out to me.

I started to shiver.  I knew Ricky was a nice guy, but that didn’t hide the fact that he was a lot stronger than I.  I cautiously approached him and asked what he wanted.

“You like Laura, right?” he asked quite frankly.

I nodded.  “Uh, yeah.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t know how I would go about asking her out.”  I started to get a little confused, but he continued.  “I don’t even think she likes me very much.  But I do know she likes you.”

I was stunned.  Did he mean like-like or like-as-a-friend like?

“I thought maybe you should ask her out,” he said.  My eyes grew wide.  No way! I thought.  He’s just handing her over to me?  I felt as if Ricky was her father and he just gave me permission to marry her.

“Uh, thanks,” I said awkwardly.  Ricky patted me on the back as if for good luck and sent me on my way.  I foolishly believed that Laura had simply been declared mine.

The school year was ending and I was running out of time.  Once again, I wished for a miracle that would not appear.  Finally, though, I put my shyness aside and made a courageous attempt, no matter how pitiful it may sound.

One day, on the bus ride home, Laura was talking to me about her recent breakup with Chad.  “It’s weird,” she said, “because he was the one who asked me out, but then he was the one who broke up with me.”

Another friend of ours spoke up, “So who are you thinking about now?”

I tensed up.  This was it: my big chance.  Any other day, I would have curled up into a ball and waited for someone else to speak for me, but I cast the old Eric aside.

“I don’t know,” Laura began, “I don’t have anyone in particular in mind.”  She stopped and thought for a moment.  “I need to get a guy who’s really popular.”

I sat up in my seat.  “I’m popular,” I said.

Laura continued, “Someone funny…”

“I’m funny,” I said.

This time, Laura turned to me and smiled as she said, “Someone good-looking…”

I paused.  I knew she had been joking, but I wasn’t.  Perhaps she was so sure we were friends that the thought never arose in her head that I might be serious.  “Well, I can’t say anything there,” I said sarcastically.  We all started laughing, although in my heart I was crying.

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