Follow the story of Treydon Austin (aka Smokey) as he chases down the cleverest, fastest, most uncatchable, most unmatchable members of The Bandit’s crime Syndicate as the government’s secret weapon against guys who are just too fast to catch. Check back every monday for the latest chapter to this fast paced action novel.

          “Yeah I know what you mean. Anyway, want to take me for a ride in your sick Z?”

          “Are you kidding? Of course I mean, if you really want to its not like, uhh yeah… So when would you like to”-

          “After class, I’ll meet you at your car, shouldn’t be too hard to find right?”

          “Yeah, it is kind of hard to miss.”

          “Good it’s a date,” she said that smiling and winking. My insides turned to a quivering mass of jelly. She went back to her table across the room. I raised my hand “Mrs. Donaline, can I be excused?” She stopped writing on the board and turned to me. “Why?” She said. I had a little bit of confidence now, I said it very loud and very clearly and what I said was very bold. “Because I need to go pray and thank god for sending me an angel.” She gave me a very puzzled look and I left the room for the bathroom, and  did exactly as I had told everyone.

Chapter 2, Nowhere To Go But Up…

          I spent the class bouncing my leg up and down. That’s just something I did when I got nervous—and I was very nervous. I mean, I had a sort of date with a freaking hot babe who drove a Trans-Am. I didn’t know if it got better than that. The annoying electronic bell chimed over the loudspeaker. Class was over. I clumsily scooped my EMT-basic work textbook into my backpack. I really had to jam it in there because it was so full of textbooks and notebooks for my other classes. I had to take everything out and put it back in again.

          By the time I was done with that little masquerade, everyone had left the class. Yeah, Dixie was gone too; she probably went to her locker to put her stuff in. I didn’t have a locker, I had a trunk. That trunk was attached to my car and it was full of books and papers still left over from last year’s classes. I need to do some housekeeping in there. Oh crap, I needed to do some major housekeeping in the cab of the car. I had empty bags of fast food and candy bar wrappers and all kinds of nasty garbage lying around in there. I ran to my car. Well, more hobbled because of my two hundred pound backpack. I went through the parking lot and went straight for the back where I was parked. Why did I have to park so far?

37
Liked it
Comments (18)
  • kourtney on Sep 25, 2009

    i like this story a lot…. :)

  • RJ Walker on Sep 26, 2009

    Thank you kourtney:D haha

  • jonathon on Oct 12, 2009

    The father’s death scene was super intense. Contact me over at cardomain if you want my constructive criticism.

    ~blackcompany

  • RJ Walker on Oct 14, 2009

    will do!

  • Ryanjayx on Nov 7, 2009

    I’m so mad that I came into the story this early. I feel like I NEED to finish it tonight. Very good story. You’ve got me hooked.

  • RJ Walker on Nov 7, 2009

    i’ll be posting 3 chapters on here this sunday. so keep checking back. i have already written the whole thing, i’m just reading it, fixing some minor stuff, then posting it which is why its going kinda slow. yeah, check back on sunday cuz i’ve got 3 chapters done.

  • Ryanjayx on Nov 7, 2009

    Ha ha, thanks man. I love the story. Is any of this based on your real life?

  • RJ Walker on Nov 8, 2009

    absolutly freaking none of it. hahahahaha. at first the main character was gunna have a trans am, but i have a Camaro myself so i thought i would do that cuz i have more experience with it. and thats about it i would say. though some character personalities are based on some people i know. just a lazy way of making characters lol. oh, and i am really an EMT and i work out in a place called Wendover which is a small gambling city by the Salt Flats, so there is a little experience there is guess.

  • RJ Walker on Nov 8, 2009

    but the street racers really do meet on 45th and state every satruday night when the raceway is closed hahaha that much is non fiction

  • RJ Walker on Dec 8, 2009

    meh. changed my mind. lots of this was inspired by real events and has been exaggerated so much you would never guess hahahahahaha

  • Paladin on Jan 20, 2010

    I like the story – you are not a bad writer. IMO, the story was really dragged down by cliche, plot twists that were entirely expected, and superfluousness. I mean, a car that can do 250mph all day long, bash through obstacles without getting a scratch, off-road like a rock crawler, and shoot EMP fields? A protagonist who can out-drive a NASCAR champion, out-shoot a Marshall crackshot, strip his car down to the frame and rebuild it in a weekend – for fun, and is basically perfect and faultless in every respect is pretty difficult for most readers to relate to. Some of your descriptions require a lot of car knowledge to understand, which will lose you some readers. And I’ll be honest, every time I read the names “Smokey” and “Bandit,” I groaned.

    Aside from those little issues, great short story! Advice for your next one: more human protagonist, more creative names, and proof read! Keep up the good work.

  • RJ Walker on Jan 21, 2010

    you are absolutely right. thanks for the feedback. there was a TON of cliches all over. i recognized this after i wrote it. and the rediculousness was WAAAYYY to rediculous. makes me laugh a little actually. glad you enjoyed it. i wouldn\’t call it a short story though. novella maybe. hahaha 375 pages is a tidge long for a short story. i honestly think that it would make a better graphic novel if i were to ever redo it. i\’m on my 18th proofread and i just suck at it. i\’m always gunna miss junk. thanks for letting me know there is still more to fix.

    for something a little less cliche, and not quite as long, check out the short story i wrote. its a little more sociological than this, and a lot less cliched, but i\’m not going to say its cliche free. i don\’t think anyone can escape cliche no matter what. Especially with car type stories. lol fast and furious for example.

    anyway, for less cliche, more sociological quandry, and a lot less superflousness, check out the Bio-Guard story, by me, in the short stories section.

  • Lee T on Feb 4, 2010

    Liked your story! Hope there will be a sequel. Sounds like a lot of different films and books into one story. If you write a sequel I would surely read it! Thumbs up!

  • RJ Walker on Feb 4, 2010

    Glad you enjoyed it. i have written up the outline for the sequel, but have not started it yet.

  • TheKickinKoupe on Feb 5, 2010

    I loved your story it was a relief from all the old boring car books
    when was this written?
    are you planning on making a second novel?
    I love how it was Chevy related and not ford.
    This book rocked

  • Daniel on Feb 8, 2010

    A few mistakes, after your character pulled over Dixie you write ‘about a month later…’ then after the letter from the Marshall you say ‘what a day, first Dixie now this.’
    Crazy Earl, you changed his name to Sean for two sentences then back to Earl.
    Also a few spelling errors, I noticed collage, Im pretty sure you meant college. I dont recall where in the story that was but it was toward the beginning. There are a few more, I cant remember them all but theyre in the first 5 chapters.
    I only read through the first 11 chapters. Ill try to come finish the rest tomorrow. So far, it aint bad.

  • RJ Walker on Feb 9, 2010

    GAH! i swore i took care of those. i think i fixed em in the actual document but not on the online copy. i’ll check that out. thanks a whole bunch daniel. i’ll have to look it over for the 100,000,001th time. haha

    And thank you KickinKoupe for your feedback. Not that i have anything against ford though. i just have more experience with chevy cuz chevy freaking rocks. Its the reason i chose camaro for the main character over Trans-Am. i just have more experience with a camaro… besides the fact that pontiac is, sadly, toast.
    I have the plot and character outlines all written for the sequal, but i haven’t started actually writing it. I started this book February 2009. I published it in like, october i think. it still needs work. it will always need some tweak here or there. THANKS EVERYONE FOR FEEDBACK!

Leave a Comment

Hi there!

Hello! Welcome to Authspot, the spot for creative writing.
Read some stories and poems, and be sure to subscribe to our feed!

Find the Spot

Loading