“Why are you doing this? What do you gain from this? Is this to humiliate us?”

By that statement, others had quietly been in the room, sulking in a corner. I enjoyed seeing them, they stayed quiet – they knew I was right.

“Humiliate? Absolutely not. But…”

Moment of truth. My tongue lashed around in my closed mouth. I felt freedom sitting on my lips. The chance to finally let them know that everything about them is wrong. Everything

“But what? You think we never knew what was going on around us? You think that just because you are outside of our lives that you can judge us?”

Yes.

“You think that you are better than us because you finally have enough balls to say something to any of us now?”

Yes…

“You think we don’t know what goes on? That we just drift right back into the same things?”

Yes. Yes yes yes. What is it that you are getting at – that is what I thought.

“You’re the one that’s wrong. Fucking wrong. We have you mixed in because we all like you enough to not give you problems. You have your own.”

Yes. “I do. But, this isn’t about…”
“It’s about us. You think we just are here to make each other suffer. That’s what you want us to admit to. Tearfully agree with. You’ll win then, right?”

No. “No.”
I… wanted to win? No. this isn’t about… me?
“You better know one thing here and now. We fucked up. Hard. We hurt each other, emotionally, spiritually, physically even. There’s no way to forget what we’ve done to each other. So, what are you asking to do? What do you want us to know?”

I… want to answer him at this moment. But I don’t know how. They’re all staring at me, waiting for me to say something, waiting for me to embrace some immense and incredible amount of wisdom and then reveal it to them. I have nothing for them though.

“I wanted you all to know and understand that it is wrong, and that you shouldn’t be doing this to yourself.” I told them, shamefully.

They slowly began to file out, shaking their heads in disagreement. My message did nothing. Silenced by my own lack of understanding -

No. I understand. They want to do this to themselves. That has to be it. I’m the one that is better. I am the judge, the one that is correct. And for the next few days, I lived life in such belief.

I wasn’t wrong, they were.

******

Sitting on the bench near my house, I quietly enjoyed the lack of issue I dealt with. It had been a week past since I last talked to… anyone. Lonely maybe, however I was learning how great it was to not hear about heartbreak, hatred, loneliness. Without gossip, unnecessary pushing and shoving, trotting upon one’s beliefs and ideas. Peace.

I quietly watched as the same group walked by, across the street from where I was. It was strange really; I saw all of them, laughing, enjoying each others company. Yet a week ago, there had to have been at least five people willing to beat the crap out of the other – if they hadn’t already done it.

“Strange huh?”

I jumped, coming to a calm after recognizing the voice. “Jack?”

“Indeed. I’m about to meet up with them.”
I nodded to him. I didn’t exactly care.
“You wanna come with?”
“No.”
“Maybe even say you’re sorry?”
For what? “Excuse me?”
“Yeah. They miss you. They forgive, but rarely forget. More so, let live. I said it was strange because I heard about what happened between you guys. Must say though, you had a point.”
My brow furled. “Wait, what?”
“Yeah, my thoughts exactly. You’re right, they should never hurt each other like they do. But they do, and they realize it. And they do what they call their best to let it go, let it not happen again. And sometimes it does and they lose, other times it doesn’t and they win.”
I’m not sure I understand. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“It’s the way people are really. Born to hurt others, but live to try and fix it. Try it sometime. Really.”

…

“Gotta go now though, I’ll lose them if I don’t hurry. Peace.” he ran off, putting his index and middle fingers in the shape of a ‘v’.

I guess I’m not living then. And I guess that’s how the arbiter gets peace.

I am Jack’s peaceful heart, dead and alone by the end of things, incapable of being wrong and understanding humans and their interactions. Just, existing. Existing to be the judge, but never judge himself.

Human? Why?