This is the fourth and penultimate part to the saga. I wrote this before I get the real life Belle’s response, so it’s what caused me to get down to three hours of sleep a night and realize just how much she meant to me.
The journey home was by far the hardest part of the day, my sister had been to the Victoria and Albert Museum which had left her unintentionally armed with hundreds of pictures of brightly coloured Kimonos and exquisite bridal gowns worn by various people of power. Each one in turn I imagined expertly fitted around Belle’s slender frame. When she finally stopped torturing me I napped, a place where my mind was once again my own worst enemy.
As I lie here writing, I figure that she’s doing a variation of one of four things:
I have very little to go by other than one of my friends who was also on the trip said that the letter was “very sweet” which makes me think that there must be hope as this solitary ray of sunshine broke through the clouds of uncertainty which are layered thick above my head. While there is even the slightest chance this will work, I will not five up on it. It means too much to me to throw away.
Despite deciding to give her as much breathing space as possible, I noticed that I was regularly flicking onto Facebook and scanning the online friends list. As some point around half five she was on that list, instantaneously I had an adrenalin boost so drastic I almost hyperventilated trying to bring it down followed straight away by my heart rate tripling and a weird cooling sensation in my stomach and lower torso. Yet before I could collect my thoughts and open a chat window she was gone, leaving me staring at what could have been.
Once again I find myself listening to the tolling of the four am bell. I tried to distract myself by writing entries for a poetry competition, writing the opening to a psycho thriller and continuing with my vampire story. For some reason my creative mind could not be harnessed for anything other than imagining thousands of possibilities, many of which I knew could never be. I’d be willing to bet the entire contents of my PayPal account that this is going to be a very long night.
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Part 5 is in bits which I’m slowly bringing together, hopefully I wil get it out within two weeks depending on how work levels fluctuate.
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