Chapter 1

When I opened the front door I noticed two things: someone had baked cookies, and the furniture was missing.  I called her name and treaded carefully down the hall. I set my briefcase where the credenza used to be and saw the mail stacked neatly in the corner. My steps echoed and a gross feeling of “I’ve been screwed” crept over me. I wasn’t use to being fooled, if anything I prided myself on being the one who fooled others. As a successful stockbroker, for God sake, I’m the one who pulls the wool over people’s eyes.  I’m the one who convinces people to fork over their savings so I can invest it in some hot–for-the-moment hedge fund, while I churn a nice profit regardless of whether they make any money. I’m not a bad guy, like a Bernie Madoff or anything, my funds are real, but the returns are anyone’s guess. I am the kind of prick who appears to be altruistically nice and willing to help by sharing a stock tip, just to gain your confidence, so I can take your life savings, under the legitimate premise of investing. I’m not handsome by any stretch, so my cunning and persuasive powers are my only skill. I’m a fast talker with a quick mind, easily bored, thus able to stay a step ahead of most people. So, it felt oddly surreal walking through my house, void of all our things, having no prior hint this was going to happen.

Coming around the doorframe I saw a plate of cookies and a stark, cleaned out kitchen, sans for Kool J her cat sitting on the floor surrounded by chocolate paw prints. There was a note pinned to his collar.

Dear Wade,

I know you must be wondering why the cookies, but no furniture. You’re probably perplexed. Knowing you, you’ll be fine in no time.

Yours truly,

Kelly

Perplexed was an understatement; although looking back I should have seen this coming. But, the note was odd, like the fact it was absurdly brief and missing any helpful information. Kelly was known for brevity. Short, one word answers and pathetically lame excuses. I’m the first to admit she is strange; some people find her troubling. For the most part I see her as eccentric and unique. Her weirdness entertains me – it often times defines us, makes us the center of attention with all the credit going to her. I’m the straight man to her ridiculousness. If it weren’t for Kelly’s antics I’d have suffered debilitating ennui, so in many ways she is my muse. She definitely opens doors and creates exciting drama or craziness, depending on how you take it. This ‘clean me out of house and home’ stunt was a new one. Disappearing was not.