Kelly never offered apologies either, which is how I knew she was off kilter, lest I not forget the time we had dinner with the sister of the flight attendant who was sucked out of a Boeing 737 departing from Maui, and fell to her death when the upper part of the plane’s cabin ripped off in mid-flight. Kelly said she was envious of the woman because of all the publicity she got. When I pointed out how misguided her comment was, not to mention the woman is dead, Kelly muttered to her sister, “Oh just deal with it.”

There are more convoluted stories than I care to recall, but needless to say, there were loud indicators things were not all clean and tidy in the Kelly camp. The kicker is I chose to ignore the red flags and just enjoy the ride. Honestly she was like a faulty roller coaster at an amusement park.  You are standing in line and can see the bolts are wobbling out, and the thing sways and creaks disturbingly so, and yet, out of morbid curiosity you still get on.

         I reached for a cookie and hopped on the counter loosening my tie and savoring the gooey chocolate in my mouth. She was clever and I’m sure calculated the tasty cookie would temporarily distract my anger. In that way she was very adept. She could create a façade or stage a distraction like a talented magician. It was not a surprise she chose to sneak away rather than confront me. Facing reality was not her strong suit. Kelly would dodge bullets like Rambo in a shit storm. I slid open a drawer to see if there was silverware. Nope. I used my toe to open the food cabinet and it too was empty. I marveled at the speed she must’ve moved at to clear our place out in the eight hours I’d been gone. She may be a little strange, but she wasn’t stupid. This took thought, planning, and help.

What really bugged me was that I felt humiliated she out-smarted me and left me first. My family had told me for years I was setting the bar too low. They liked to remind me she was unpredictable, unstable, and ditzy. I knew I could definitely do better, but I relished the fact that Kelly would never leave me, because I was a good catch, a provider whom she needed. So, I married her. The irony now made me nauseous.

I looked down at Kool J licking his balls and wondered why she hadn’t taken the cat. She loved him more than life and she knows I’m allergic. She cared for him so much she’d cook him meat and vegetables every day, refusing to feed him regular cat food. Kool J stared up at me with his big green eyes and meowed. I shrugged my shoulders and frowned, “No clue dude. No clue.” The cat jumped up on the counter next to me and rubbed against my leg. I ran my hands over his warm, furry body and he purred, loudly, then he lay across my lap. That’s when I lost it and started bawling like a baby. I sat there whimpering, petting the cat and sneezing until the light faded to dark.