Steve parked the Jeep and the three got out. Andy took the whip out of the duffel bag and grabbed a flashlight. Steve took a flashlight and Joey was handed one of the candles. They stood next to the Jeep on the main road. With the whip around his shoulder, Andy reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a thin cigar and stuck it in his mouth. He lit it and inhaled deeply, exhaling with a slight cough.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“I’m sorry. Do you want one?” Andy offered.

“No thanks,” sneered Steve.

“You don’t smoke,” Joey said.

“They’re black “n milds. Indiana Jones smokes them,” smiled Andy.

“You didn”t hear it from me Andy but you’re not Indiana Jones. Hell, you’re not even Minnesota Fats,” Steve chuckled.

“I just thought it’d look cool,” Andy sighed.

“Yeah, cancer is cool. Talking through a hole in your throat is cool,” said Steve. “If you’re gonna smoke that, then don’t breathe near me.”

“Fine!” Andy dropped the cigar on the ground and stepped it out, “I won’t smoke it. They’ll just go to waste.”

They approached the house which towered over them. The house was a large three story made of dark stone. All the windows and doors were boarded up and the property was surrounded by trees. Posted on the doors and first floor windows had “no trespassing” signs nailed to them. Andy and Joey began walking around, leaving Steve in the front yard, before the door.

They arrived at the backyard and Andy shined the flashlight toward the house and saw that the wood boarding up the cellar door was kicked in. Andy and Joey headed toward the open basement, with Joey in front. Andy followed close behind and his feet fell into a shallow hole causing him to scream and jump onto Joey’s back.

“Aaiieee! Something grabbed my foot! We’re all going to die!” Andy yelled as Joey spun around in a circle trying to knock Andy off his back.

Steve ran to the back of the house. “What the hell is going on?” he asked then saw Andy clinging to Joey’s back. “Apparently something homoerotic.”

“Andy stepped in a hole,” Joey said.

Andy dropped off of Joey’s back and cleared his throat. “I thought something grabbed me,”: he said calmly.

“It was a hole,” Joey reiterated.

“So I wasn’t entirely wrong,” Andy turned his nose up and walked away to the basement door. “We can get into the house from here.”

The three walked down a couple of broken steps and went into the dirt basement of the Satan House. The basement was large and separated into two rooms. The three slowly walked through the basement through the first room and into the second. Andy shined the flashlight into the house through a large hole in the ceiling.

“I have an idea,” Andy said and gave his flashlight to Joey. Andy threw the whip over the beam and tied it.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“Watch,” Andy smiled and he began pulling himself up. The beam creaked and Andy had to place his feet on the wall to balance himself. The beam cracked, broke and lowered. The whip slid off and Andy landed flat on his back. Steve and Joey laughed.

“Thanks, Andy. That was our only exposed beam,” Steve giggled sarcastically.

Andy got up and brushed the dirt off of him. “Ha, ha. Very funny. Why don’t you two boost me up there?” he pointed.

“My doctor advised me against any heavy lifting,” said Joey.

“You two should have your own sitcom. Come on, are we doing this or not?” Andy asked.

“I kind of want to go home. I have a big day with Alicia planned and I want to be awake for it,” Steve explained.

Andy’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He quickly turned his gaze to Joey. “Joey?”

“I…I didn’t want to come in the first place,” he shrugged.

Andy’s Jeep sped down the highway. Joey was stretched out in the backseat fast asleep. Steve quietly looked out of the window while Andy drove and the radio softly played music. They were going a different way home on a road lined with newer farmhouses.

“I’m sorry that no one wanted to stay at the Satan House,” Steve finally said.

“That’s okay. I understand,” Andy nodded. He was quiet for a minute then spoke. “Where do you think I could get information on the Satan House? Like, owners and such?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Probably the county courthouse, why?”

“I want to see who owns the house. See if we can get a history from them.”

“I would say go to the public records department in Auburn and check them out.”

“I’ll have to do that. Do you want to come with me?”

“I’m going shopping with Alicia tomorrow. I can go the next day.”

“Why don’t you spend the night tomorrow? Then we can get an early start to Auburn and get more info on the Satan House,” Andy suggested.

Steve hesitated and reluctantly answered. “Yeah, okay. I don’t think Alicia will mind. It might be kind of fun,” Steve managed a fake smile.

“I wish I had what you have,” Andy sighed.

“Well if things keep going the way they seem to be headed then I’ll soon be joining you in that boat, Andy,” Steve said.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Andy asked, very concerned.

“Remember when we started dating and I was the loving and caring one? I got used to Alicia not wanting that type of attention and backed off. Now she wants to cuddle and hug and spend quality time together but between work and friends, I’ve left her in the lurch. However tonight, I was perfectly willing to go to that church thing but she pushed me away and I think something’s wrong,” Steve explained.

“I’m sorry, bud,” Andy apologized.

“Not your fault,” said Steve. He looked out the window and pointed. “Turn into this parking lot.”

Andy obliged and pulled into a parking space. Steve opened the door and got out, “What are you doing?” asked Andy.

“I have to pee,” Steve said and began walking to a port-a-potty set up in the lot. Andy turned off the Jeep and got out as well. The parking lot belonged to a recently constructed church. Andy waited as Steve went to the bathroom. Steve emerged a couple minutes later and he and Andy started back to the Jeep. “Just a moment,” Steve halted and turned back to the port-a-potty.

“What?”

Steve began running toward it, slammed into it and knocked it over. Andy and Steve ran back to the Jeep and Andy quickly started it and sped off.

“What the hell was that?” Andy asked.

“Just venting,” Steve shrugged.

“You knocked over a church port-o-potty!” Andy shouted.

“Uh-oh. That, coupled with the premarital sex has solidified my place in Hell,” Steve joked.

“Do you love her?” Andy suddenly asked.

“I never thought about it. I’ll give you your answer tomorrow,” Steve said.

5.

Steve and Alicia were looking in the women’s department of the store. Steve walked up to Alicia with a bra over his shirt. He cupped the bra like there were breasts inside. “I don’t think I measured my boobs right,” he said.

Alicia turned to look at him then quickly looked away laughing. “Take that off now!” she smiled and nudged him with her elbow.

“But it lifts and separates,” Steve whined but did take the bra off. “How was your church thing last night?”

“It was fine,” she shrugged. “It ended up kind of being a surprise party for the oldest church member. She was turning 100 so it was sweet but boring for people who never paid attention to her before,” Alicia explained.

“I could not imagine living to be 100. I think it’d be kind of sad. Probably your entire family would be dead except for great-grandkids who don’t visit. I guess the church has been kind of her lifeline,” Steve said.

“I guess,” Alicia pulled a blue shirt and a black shirt off a rack and eyed both of them. “Which one looks better?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you just get them both?” Steve asked.

“Which one? Blue…?” Alicia held the blue shirt in front of her, “…or black?” she did the same thing with the black shirt.

“I don’t know without you trying them on,” Steve said.

“Okay, come on,” Alicia and Steve walked over to the dressing rooms and Alicia went in one. She quickly changed into the black shirt and stepped out. “How’s this look?”

Steve looked and nodded, “It’s good. I like it.”

Alicia went back into the dressing room and put on the blue shirt. She stepped out and Steve’s eyes widened. The blue shirt was tight against her body, following the curves of her shoulders, arms, chest and stomach perfectly. Alicia noticed Steve’s face and smiled brightly. “Well, I know which one you like,” she said and leaned up to kiss him.

“You look like a goddess,” Steve mumbled.

“Only because it shows off my boobs,” she smiled.

“Boobs of a goddess!”

“Thanks. I’ll be right back,” she went back into the dressing room and put back on her shirt. She came out and put both shirts in her cart.

“I thought you were just going to get one of them,” Steve pointed out.

“I liked the look and feel of the black shirt and the look you gave the blue shirt spoke volumes about that one,” Alicia chuckled.

“I’d think you were beautiful if you were in a grocery bag, Lee.”

“Well, maybe we can try that tonight. My parents are leaving for some funeral and will be gone for two days. My sister is also staying home but spending the night at a friend’s so the house is ours,” Alicia suggested.

“Oh! I wish you would’ve told me sooner. I have plans with Andy tonight!”

“Can’t you cancel them?” Alicia asked.

“Lee, when was the last time I canceled any plans?” Steve questioned.

“This one time isn’t going to kill you. Think about it, Steve: two days all alone to do whatever we want wherever we want. Can you really pass that up?”

“I’ll think about it but I’m probably not going to cancel,” Steve sighed.

The two were quiet for a while until finally Alicia spoke up. “So what did you and Andy do last night?” she asked.

“We went to the Satan House, an old abandoned house in Sibley Township and it was so funny because we were trying to climb through a hole from the basement to the first floor so we were going to use Andy’s whip…”

“Andy brought a whip?”

“I don’t know why either. Anyway, Andy wrapped the whip around an exposed beam and began climbing. Andy is too damn fat so the beam broke and Andy landed flat on his back,” Steve began laughing. Alicia just smiled and rolled her eyes. “Well, maybe you had to be there,” he shrugged.

At that moment, Andy was at Melanie’s place of employment. He wandered throughout the store, giggling at some of the products being sold. “Will you stop laughing at my wares, Andy?” asked Melanie.

“I’m sorry Mel but who would buy something like this?” Andy held up a huge two foot dildo that was as big around as a tennis ball. “This isn’t even near natural.”

“Trust me, if it wasn’t so expensive, I would love to try to shove it up there,” Melanie said.

“So you don’t get free samples or a free try?”

“Of course not! I get a discount but there’s nothing here I want,” Melanie sighed.

“Not even a video or edible undies?”

“No one to use them on so…” she shrugged.

“You can use them on me. You can sleep with me anytime,” Andy suggested.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” she laughed. “What did you and Steve do last night?”

Andy leaned in on the counter and smiled at Melanie. “We went to the Satan House and it seemed like one of those horror movies. Joey and Steve were so worried that we would be caught trespassing or hurt but I assured them that nothing would happen,” Andy said and looked into Melanie’s eyes which gave him a slight erection.

Melanie, knowing Andy was showing off, smiled and licked her lips. “So what all happened at the Satan House?” she asked, looking from Andy’s eyes to his lips.

“We got there and Joey and I went around the back of the house-it was a beautiful stone house-and we began heading to the open cellar door where I stepped in a hole, freaked out and jumped on Joey’s back,” Andy explained.

Melanie laughed loudly. “You just can’t lie to me can you?” she smiled bigger.

“You know I can’t.”

Melanie’s smile disappeared and her eyes got serious. “Did Steve act weird or anything last night?” she asked.

Andy thought for a second, shook his head and answered. “No, not out of the ordinary or anything. Why?”

Melanie hemmed and hawed until finally breaking down and talking. “It’s about Alicia,” she said.

“Now that you mention it, Steve did seem concerned about Alicia last night. He thought…” Andy faltered with his speech and tried to use his hands to elaborate, “she was pulling away while at the same time trying to get closer.”

“That’s oddly said,” she replied. “When I was out last night, I ran into Alicia and she was actually hanging all over another guy and when I went up to them, she seemed very dodgy,” explained Melanie.

“So you think she’s cheating on Steve?”

“No, I think she has an evil twin! Now I admit that I never really liked Alicia but she made Steve happy and so I tolerated her but I am not going to let that bitch hurt Stephen!” Melanie’s voice got louder on every word.

“We should tell Steve.”

“No!” Melanie shrieked. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions and worry him if all this is innocent.”

“You said she was all over that other guy,” Andy reminded.

“Maybe she was grinding his crotch into her ass for another reason?”

Their clothes were in a neat pile at the foot of the bed. The soft gasps from Alicia were the only sounds besides Stephen’s bed and music playing from the stereo. Her hands rubbed the back of Steve’s head and lower back simultaneously. Her gasps soon became moans and squeaky grunts. Steve found himself staring at her. Her eyes closed, lips slightly parted, hair bunched up underneath her, breathing heavily and sweat glistening on her face, neck and chest. He tried to catch his breath as his orgasm mounted and he breathed “I love you.”

Alicia’s eyes opened and she looked at him and felt him release himself inside her. She tried to catch her breath and swallowed. “What?”

He continued looking in her eyes. “I…love you. I…I just realized it,” he smiled.

Alicia was not smiling. She looked away from Steve and pushed him off of her. “I need to go,” she croaked as she got out of bed, grabbed her underwear and bra and ran into the bathroom.

“Lee, what’s wrong?” Steve asked, pulling on his boxers.

Alicia emerged from the bathroom and held back from crying. “I wish you hadn’t said that.”

“That’s not a good reply for I love you,” Steve half-joked.

“The way that we’ve been going I think that we should take a break. I’m sorry, Steve,” still holding back tears and putting her clothes back on.

“Lee…Alicia, please,” Steve stood up and took her hands. “I thought the same thing but while I was out last night Andy asked me if I loved you but it wasn’t until we were shopping today that I realized that I do love you,” Steve explained.

“You’re always there for me and I love you for that but we need some time apart to understand our relationship. Please?” Alicia was nearly begging and let the tears go.

“Okay,” Steve found himself saying, “we can do that.”

They hugged and Alicia pulled away and left the house.

“Well, I’m never saying that again!” Steve growled.

6.

Steve walked up Andy’s driveway. Andy was sitting on the front step waiting and when he saw Steve, he leapt to his feet. “Where the hell have you been? If you needed a ride, I could’ve brought you.”

“No, I wanted to walk. Alicia wanted us to take a break-whatever that means-and I wanted to be alone with my thoughts,” Steve said.

“Oh, I’m sorry, bud.”

“Stop calling me that,” Steve snapped. “What time is it? I don’t have a watch.”

“It’s almost nine.”

“Shit! I left my place at six,” Steve said and sat down on the step.

“It should only take two hours to walk here. What happened?” Andy sat down next to his friend.

“Well, the walk seemed to go downhill after I left the city. I had only walked about a quarter mile when this deer leaps in front of me, stops and stares. Just stares. So I just stop and debate on heading back to town but I don’t want to turn my back and have the deer charge at me so I just stand there for an undetermined amount of time. Finally, the deer bounds away and I continue walking and decide to follow the three thing rule from last night. So I get a little more than halfway to your house when I hear this noise.

“Again, I stopped and listened. The noise got louder and a cow dove out of the woods and stopped on the other side of the road. Suddenly two more cows ran out, collided with the first and all three fell into the creek. As I walked by, I could hear the cows mooing and thrashing around. Thing number two; but it was too far to walk back to town so if the third thing happened, I reasoned, I would go up to someone’s house and ask to use their phone and call you.

“I was only yards from your house when that damn dog from down the road began chasing me and barking. I stopped and I wanted so bad to chuck a rock at it but only small gravel rocks were around. After several minutes, the dog realized I offered no threat to him or his master’s domain and he walked away. I am not going to walk down this road ever again!”

“You didn’t have to walk down this road this time,” Andy said. “Come on, I want to go back to the Satan House,” Andy pulled his Jeep keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He and Steve got in and drove away from the house. “So you and Alicia broke up?” asked Andy.

“We’re on a break,” Steve corrected. “That does sound pathetic…” he realized. “Anyway, I did tell Alicia I loved her.”

“Wow. Shopping, love, breaking up. You had quite an eventful day. What was her response to you telling her you love her?”

“Blah, blah, blah…’but we need some time apart so we can understand our relationship.’”

“That doesn’t sound bad,” Andy said cheerfully. “She’s just uncertain about her love for you. Within a week, she’ll be back in your arms.”

“I wonder if another guy is involved,” Steve said suddenly.

“Well Melanie said…” Andy caught himself and shut up.

Steve cocked his head and looked at his friend. “Melanie said what?”

“Well, Melanie ran into Alicia at a bar last night and…she told Melanie that she would never cheat on you and never even thought about other guys. She told Melanie that she wants to be certain that she loves you. If you love something set it free…that saying and all?”

“Makes sense,” Steve sighed, “I guess.” Andy approached the intersection with the main highway and turned right-north. “Where are you going?”

“We don’t have any flashlights so I’m heading to Baldwin to stop at the Wal-Mart,” Andy explained.

“Whatever. It’s your gas,” Steve shrugged.

They drove in silence, except for the radio, for a couple of minutes until Andy cleared his throat. “Do you like Melanie?”

“What? I’ve been her friend for the last ten years so I guess you could say I’m a little fond of her,” Steve answered.

“No, I mean do you like her romantically?”

“No! I’ve seen that girl belch, fart, pee, poop, pick her ears, pick her nose, vomit and scratch herself in inappropriate places so as pretty as she is, I find her really unsexy,” Steve explained. “Farts like that should not come from a girl that size…” Steve muttered. “Why?”

“I just wanted to know…”

Again, both were silent driving along the highway as the Jeep entered the city of Baldwin. A few more blocks and Andy turned into the Wal-Mart parking lot. They got out and went into the store, heading directly toward the hardware department.

“What kind of flashlight should we get?” Andy asked.

“How much do you want to spend?”

“I only have five dollars.”

“Then you can only afford this one,” Steve grabbed a small flashlight that was barely longer than his middle finger that ran on two AA batteries. It cost $3.99.

“I guess this’ll do…” Andy sighed and they left the department. They walked by the sporting goods section and Andy looked over and saw a cute pregnant girl waiting for help from an employee but all the employees were over talking with a guy about what gun he should buy. “Man, I hate that.”

“What?”

“Over there. Those douche bags are fawning over some hick buying firearms while a poor pregnant girl has to stand there and wait.”

Steve looked over at the girl and smiled. “She’s cute. I know I’d help her. Why don’t you go over and help her?”

“She’s obviously waiting for an employee. Besides, once I get there one of the employees will come over and she won’t need me anymore.”

“Come on Andy, she’s cute.”

“She’s pregnant! I don’t know about you but I can’t be a father to someone else’s kid!”

They arrived at a check out counter and Andy tossed the flashlight on the belt. The middle-aged woman cashier took the flashlight and ran it over the scanner. “Buying a little flashlight?” she asked.

Both Andy and Steve smiled. “Yep,” Andy answered.

“Buying a little flashlight to see little things,” the cashier smiled.

Andy and Steve chuckled nervously. “You bet,” giggled Andy.

“That’ll be $4.27, hon.”

Andy handed her his five and she gave him 73 cents in change.

“You two have a good night,” the cashier grinned.

“You too,” Steve acknowledged. The two walked out the door and toward the Jeep. “I guess you’re right about that pregnant girl, Andy. That cashier was more your type.”

“Oh, shut up. Here,” Andy dropped in the keys into Steve’s hand, “you drive.”

They drove in silence down a gravel country road. Andy leaned back and closed his eyes slightly. The Jeep roared down the road when suddenly Andy let out a scream. Steve also screamed and the Jeep swerved.

“What the hell’s going on?” Steve yelled.

“There was a man standing on the side of the road!”

“There wasn’t a man standing on the side of the road,” Steve calmed down.

“I opened my eyes and he was standing there as we passed by.”

“I have the brights on and I’ve been observing every little thing we’ve passed. There was no man out there. It was a probably a mailbox,” Steve assured.

“A mailbox…A man mailbox,” Andy muttered.

Steve stopped at a stop sign and turned right. Nearly a mile down the road, the road became a steep hill. Steve slammed on the brakes as they went down the hill.

“There’s no road!” Andy shrieked. The Jeep reached the bottom of the hill and began going up the other side. It arrived at the top and both Steve and Andy calmed down. “There was no road,” Andy squeaked.

“That was cool!” Steve laughed. “We’ll have to come back this way when we’re done.”

It was only a couple more blocks until they reached the Satan House. It stood alone on the property and Steve slowly pulled into the driveway and parked. Andy grabbed the small flashlight and got out of the Jeep.

“Better bring that little flashlight so we can see little things,” Steve joked.

“Shut up,” Andy and Steve walked up to the house. “There’s a small trail leading from the yard into the woods. I want to see what’s down that trail.”

The two went to the backyard and followed a small trail into the woods. Andy shined the flashlight around an old watershed, an old barn foundation and an old stone fence.

“Nothing’s down here Andy,” Steve whined. “And I keep walking into spider webs. Nothing is down this trail…at least not at night.”

“Okay, fine. But I want to come back during the day and look down this trail,” Andy ordered.

“Yeah, we’ll get right on that…” Steve agreed sarcastically.

7.

Andy and Steve were fast asleep in Andy’s bedroom. Steve was asleep on the floor covered up by a pair of Andy’s dirty jeans. Andy was in bed uncovered, wearing the clothes from the previous day and his hand down the ass of his pants. Music played softly from the computer. The scene in the bedroom was weird at best.

Andy’s dad came into the room. “Andy! Andrew!” he shouted.

Andy slowly sat up and Steve looked up to see what was going on then laid back down. “Yeah?” Andy groaned.

“I need you to do me a favor. Are you going to Baldwin?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I need you to drop this check off at the electric company. It’s due tomorrow and I wasn’t able to mail it.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Good. I’ll leave it on the shelf by the front door,” Andy’s dad said. He paused for a couple seconds. “So where did you and Steve go last night?”

“We went to this haunted house to look around. We’re going to find out who owns it today,” Andy said sleepily.

“What’s Steve doing on the floor?”

“I offered to let him sleep in my bed but he opted to sleep on the floor,” Andy shrugged. “What time will you be home?”

“Probably about six. Are you going out tonight?”

“Yeah, there’s another haunted place we want to look at so we’ll probably head out about ten.”

“Okay, just be careful. And next time you want to leave in the middle of the night, just tell your mom or me beforehand and don’t try to sneak through the garage.”

“You knew?”

“You left the garage light on.”

“Oh…Damn!”

“Is Joey going with you?”

“I don’t know. I guess if he wants to.”

“I don’t like Joey.”

“Why not? He’s not that bad,” Andy chuckled.

“He’s a pot-addled idiot!”

“Oh, that! We just take Joey along because if we get in trouble then maybe if we hand over Joey, Steve and I will be let go,” Andy laughed.

“That’s some good thinking. I gotta get going. Enjoy Baldwin,” Andy’s dad waved and closed the door.

“Bye, Dad,” Andy said as he collapsed back into his pillow.

Steve got up and took Andy’s car keys off the desk. “Andy! I’m gonna take your car and go home. I’ll be back to pick you up at noon,” Steve said and left. Andy just started snoring.