Introduction

What does it mean to hit bottom? I mean what does it really mean? People talk about it and ask about it all the time in my world, the world of alcoholism and drug addiction – the “recovery community” – whatever you wanna call it. I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I’m “in recovery”. That’s the world I’m talking about. Anyway, so everyone’s always talking about and asking about hitting bottom – “when did you hit bottom?”; “do you think that was your bottom?”; “you really bottomed out man.” The truth is I don’t know what it means to hit bottom – not for you or anyone else, that is. I know what it means to me. It’s not such a simple thing. Not everyone’s the same. Not everyone has the same bottom. Low bottom. High bottom. I think the only true bottom is death – that’s where it ends if we get down to the heart of the matter – if I die then I can’t fall any lower – that’s it – bottom. But I’m not dead, and although at times I wished I was dead and I tried to be dead, it didn’t take – I’m still here. That being said, I do believe I hit bottom – my bottom – the point at which I totally and reluctantly gave up and gave in and surrendered to my own bullshit – my ego – whatever it was that was preventing me from finding the light buried deep down inside of me. That was it. When drugs and alcohol took everything away from me – not just the material things and the relationships and the sanity, but my spirit and my ability to be honest with myself – my humanity and my soul – when that was stripped away from me – that was it – that was my bottom. It took a while for me to realize that of course, and there were many experiences along the way that I thought were my bottoms, but they were really just steps down. I went through one bottom after another after another until I finally reached the deep dark void of my soul.