I went walking again today in the woods not far from home, yet far from any home I’ve felt inside myself in the past two years.  I wandered down the known trails and the non-trails, passing by the familiar and unfamiliar. It has all changed so much since the last time I came through. I wondered in awe of how the world must see us through time. How it all changes yet stays the same through all its ages, weathering the storms, the visitors, the lovers, the abusers, the passers by, and enduring them all just the same and somehow it remains.  All that falls, all that is destroyed, it crushes, and breaks, dies, freezes, yet in breaking down, it manages somehow to break through. And then, it becomes something new.

How many of us long for a previous time in life, a past friend or relationship or perhaps, as with me, a way that I used to be.  Those things too, often die, are crushed, abused, withered, but in breaking down maybe eventually they may break through.  And though nothing’s left of their original form, they may finally become new. There is life after death even the death of our own souls, while breathing never ceases the emotional breathing can.  We are numb, pained, angry, cold, bitter, lost, confused, empty.  Yet rolling over from time to time in our tombs, now and again we find hope and we reach for the possibility of coming forth again.

This day is my new day. I did not think I could feel anything real, anything stirring. But there is a part of me that remembers, a part of me that recognizes, that though I have no longing for what I was before, I do find have interest in discovering what I could be.  Again. Anew. And now I reach for the adventure alone. I remember I loved exploring. I remember I loved discovery. I remember the artist in me that was never pressured for time, could sit and gaze at the intricate colors, shadows, defining lights, of the simplest form or movement before me. I was a child then, at first, and many times later I was a child inside though my body grew.  Perhaps if today I let go and risk and dare to become something new, I will find that time again.