This is a story of life and love. It could be the ray of light we all need to look and listen more attentively to the signals being sent out by the young people around us. It is a story about a typical young American teenager much like the one who lives next door, down the street, or in your own home. You may think you know and understand him, but do you really? Throughout his life, Jim had been the popular one, adventurous, always having friends around him. He was always well adjusted, that is at least so it seemed on the outside. In school Jim always had the satisfactory answers to his classmates’ questions and sensible solutions to their problems, which of course gained their affection, respect, and trust.

Jim’s story is one of tender love and heartbreaking tragedy. Jim was in love with life; held a strong love for Lenny, his brother; Sandy, his girlfriend; his parents, and his music. Jim longed to live life to the fullest!

Life is an intricately woven tapestry whose every single colorful thread contributes to its completion. When we see the beautiful threads in someone else’s life becoming tangled we must take time and make an effort to untangle them before the entire creation begins to come apart.

When did everything go wrong? Where were his parents, his friends, teachers, and loved ones when he needed them most? Who could Jim turn to when the world around him began to crumble? What happened to his zest for life, that sustaining ray of hope that everyone needs in the midst of chaos and confusion? Who should have foreseen the danger, but did not? Whose apathy and indifference precipitated the disaster to a higher conscience level when a little love and understanding might have prevented our tragic story?

As the story unfolds, perhaps you will see and feel the inclinations towards self-destruction. Maybe you or someone you know and love may be the one to reach out and prevent such a disaster. Because you possess the understanding, and will not be one of the many in the crowd who utter the words, “Why, Lord, Why?” when the precious life God gave is so tragically snuffed out, like the flame of an unguarded candle. Maybe you; think of it, yes, perhaps you, can make a difference! Perhaps you can be the one to prevent someone from destroying himself. “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly” are the words of our Lord, Life of our Life!

CHAPTER I

A typical Michigan day

It was one of those typical, unpredictable fall days in Michigan. One minute the sky is full of threatening dark streaks and you think it is ready to snow. The next minute it turns into Indian Summer with temperatures in the high 70’s and the humidity reaching close to a hundred.

Rob and Steve have completed eighteen hours of their twenty-four hour shift responding to crisis calls. Ambulance crews work twenty-four hours on and forty-eight hours off. Rob has been out of the service for only four months; having been a Navy Medic he spent six years attached to a Marine battalion. He has had field experience ranging from front line “meatball” surgery to doing physicals on the new Navy recruits. After his hitch in the service Rob joined Top Ambulance Service as a paramedic. Top Ambulance Service is in the first year of a five-year contract. They have five stations strategically located throughout the country. A two-men crew, one handling all the driving and equipment, and the other a paramedic, who is in complete charge and makes all the major decisions concerning the team, maintain each particular station. Thus the tremendous responsibility regarding the balance of life depends on his skill and judgment.

This particular station was converted from an old gas station near the center of a small town. It has one bedroom with two cots, and under the cots is a large fire bell that rings when a call comes in. The bathroom is slightly larger than an average size closet. It has a small stall shower; and the paramedics and drivers could count on running out of hot water in the middle of their showers, no matter what time of day it was.

Steve’s background is completely opposite that of Rob. He was never in the service and is working his was through college as an ambulance driver. He has been working for Top Ambulance Service for the past six months now. Being a college man, Steve thinks he knows everything; and periodically Rob has to keep Steve under control in a very authoritative, but understanding way. The two men work well together and perform magnificently as a team. Whenever an emergency crisis arises Steve knows that Rob is the experienced one and has complete respect for his partner’s capabilities. He has seen Rob in action. Rob has been able to perform miraculously with mutilated, battered and twisted bodies they have encountered at accident scenes. On numerous occasions Steve has observed Rob saving people’s lives when they had appeared to be clinically dead. Steve has said for a long time. “If I was ever the one in need of emergency help, I would be confident that everything was going to be all right if I looked up and say Rob’s smiling face.”

Working for Top Ambulance Service is a rewarding job for both Rob and Steve. The county they work in contains two major colleges; one in the Big Ten. Rob loves football, and on a football Saturday, they enjoy working the games. Rob has been thinking about going to medical school on his G.I. bill and becoming a doctor. Steve is hanging on to school by his fingertips. He is in his sophomore year and still does not know what he wants to do for a lifetime career.

After high school Steve had set out to make his fortune. He started selling life insurance, but that only lasted for about two months. Steve has said many times, “Those life insurance companies really get you. You go to work for them and they teach you to sell policies to your parents, brothers, sisters, other relatives and friends, then you burn out and they get rid of you.” After his attempt in the life insurance business Steve decided to make his attempt in the life insurance business Steve decided to make his million selling real estate. He attended one of those “get rich quick” sessions at a local establishment and though this was for him. He spent $150.00 that he really could not afford to take a real estate class. He got his license, and began working at a nearby real estate office. After another three months he found, between the time he spent at the office and the gas he used running people around, he spent another $400.00 and never sold anything. After his two money spending ventures he decided to go to school and try to find a new career path.

On this hot, sticky, humid night Rob and Steve were just returning to their station from the University Hospital where they had a heart attack run. Again, because of Rob’s great expertise, a thirty-five year old male will be able to hear the cries and wipe the tears from the eyes of his two daughters, Cindee and Kelly.

Rob informed Steve that he was going into the bathroom to clean up. Steve pulled the ambulance up to the overhead doors and began the ritual of cleaning and restocking their unit. Steve and Rob were one of the lucky crews that just received one of the new emergency rigs, one that allowed them to stand up in the back. The older units were lower and the attendants had to bend over all the time. After a few hot runs by the end of the shift their backs were so painful that it was several hours before they could function normally. After each run the unit had to be torn down and scrubbed out. The driver did this. Of course, Rob would always give Steve a hand with this. Steve pulled out the stretcher and cleaned out the resuscitation unit, restocked the drug box, restrung the new aspirator lines and washed down the back floor.

Rob came from the bathroom with his shirt off and a towel around his neck. His wet hair was dripping down the sides of his face, so he took the towel and began drying his hair. Rob pulled the stretcher around to the back of the unit and sat on it watching Steve working on the cleanup and said, “Boy, that was a close one! For a minute there I though we were going to lose him. After you put the scope on him and I saw it flatten out, I thought it was going to be all over. If it wasn’t for the shot of adrenalin you gave him Rob, I think we would have.” “After you hit him with the paddles and they didn’t work, I though you might give up. But knowing you Rob, I knew you had a least one more ace up your sleeve.” “Yea, Steve, after I hit him with the needle he sure popped out of it, didn’t he?” “He sure did Rob you were great. Boy, you really work good under pressure, don’t you?” “Well, after the time I spent in Nam under fire I really learned what to do. You work fast and keep your ass down. Especially keeping your ass down. You know Steve, I’ve been dealing with this so long that sometimes I just act on instinct and guts, then feel for them later.” “Does it ever get to you, Rob?” “Sometimes it does. I would be lying to you if I said it didn’t It’s like losing a little bit of yourself each time you lose one. But you don’t have the luxury to brood about it too long, because you are on your way to another one. I guess the time it really bothers me is when a young person is involved. I handled a few crib deaths that really made me break down and cry. Young people have so much to live for. They have a world of experience to discover, and to think that they will never be able to fulfill their life’s ambition and loves really gets to me. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, Rob, maybe you better find another way to make a living. Raise sheep, become an astronaut, or get into something else.”

“You’re just kidding aren’t you, Rob? If it weren’t for you, I would have seen a lot of people bite the bullet. You have a talent, Rob. It is something that could never be measured in wealth or any material possessions. It is something given to you by God to be used to help save lives. I would give my right nut to be able to do half the job you can do. It would be such a waste if you weren’t you.” “Thanks Steve, I guess I needed that. Do you really mean you would give your right nut to be like me?” “Ah, go to hell Rob, you jerk.” “It’s been a long night, yea Steve, I think I would like to turn in early for once and get a full night’s sleep. You know that will never happen.” “You know, Rob, I’m getting pretty tired. It’s 7:45 and we’ve already been on four calls since noon, and they all have been real bad ones. One was a head on, where the driver was not wearing his seat belt and hit the windshield, causing major trauma to his head and chest and receiving deep facial lacerations. Then a hit and run involving a 62 year old man that might turn out to be a fatality. Then was an overdose of a 32-year-old nurse who tripped out on too much Valium. They also had responded to a heart attack for which Rob had seemed to perform a miracle to keep the elderly man alive. They were able to keep him alive until they got to the hospital, but then he expired “on the table.” “We have had our share tonight” responded Rob.

Being in a college town, Rob and Steve have also responded to a number of emergency calls to the college campus area. Most of the emergencies in that area were college students overdosing on drugs, or just about killing themselves trying to out drink each other. It seemed there was a great deal of peer pressure to join in and conform. Everyone wants to be part of the crowd. It seemed that when kids got to college these days they lost their self-identity and always wanted to be like everyone else. They did not realize that a lot of the conforming led to self-destruction. That is the lesson that they did not learn until sometimes it was too late and they ended up either hurting themselves or someone else, sometimes even another person they really cared about. “I wish I could understand kids today.” Rob said, “I have spent some rotten times in my life, especially in Vietnam, but to hurt myself, I don’t know.” “You know, Rob, it’s usually not the crazy nut that does it, it’s the popular jock or cheerleader with everything going for them (at least that’s what it seems) that do it. Most of them succeed in either hurting themselves really bad, or even killing themselves.

It was about 8:00 p.m. when over the loud speaker, Rob and Steve heard, “Unit one, unit one, possible O.D. at 21 North Hamilton, cross street Adams, time out 8:01 p.m. “O.K. Steve, time to roll.” Steve jumped into the driver seat; Rob grabbed his shirt and got in the passenger side striking the garage door button as Steve hit the overhead lights and siren button simultaneously. They immediately began to work like a well-disciplined drill team. “We’re only about five minutes away from Hamilton and Adams.” Steve said. “Which is just down the street from the heart of the State University campus. “Got your seat belt on, Rob?” “Sure I do, Steve.” “O.K., let’s hit it.” As Steve and Rob left the station with lights flashing and sirens blaring, all the traffic around them came to a screeching halt. Anyone who lived or drove in the area around the station was trained. When they either heard or saw Rob and Steve come out of the big overhead doors, the safest place was stopped on the side of the road. When Rob and Steve are on a run it’s all business and someone’s life is usually on the line.

CHAPTER II

The college scene

State University is one of the two major colleges in Washburn County. I started off as a teacher’s college, but expanded into on of the major universities in the state. The students going to State were from middle-income families and sometimes it is referred to as a suitcase college. A lot of the students lived close and went home for the weekend.

The second week of every semester begins the rush season. For the next three weeks all the fraternities and sororities begin to look over the new crop of students. There are endless rush parties from each organization, specially the Friday night TG’s. State University developed a nickname as “The party school.”

After the initial first round of rush parties, the next week the fraternities and sororities began to narrow down their picks with invitation only parties. The brothers and sisters began to get serious about who they would like to pick to join their groups. During these parties they turn more into question and answer sessions, rather than an open free for all.

The following Friday becomes bid day. All prospective new members meet in the Student Union and open a sealed envelope containing a bid to join one of the fraternal groups. The new members sign the bids and give them to the new semester pledge master. Their name then goes up on a big board in the Union showing the student’s name and fraternal organization. Now the parties really begin. Everyone who signs his or her pledge becomes a pledge to that affiliation. He or she then begins to learn what the fraternal system is all bout. They form a pledge class led by a pledge master. After one hell of a weekend of drinking, partying and all around mayhem, they meet on Sunday night for a formal beginning into the fraternal system. The fraternities and sororities are now in full swing and anyone having high hopes for success and recognition was making a pledge to one of the school’s many organizations.

As Steve turned a sharp corner leading toward the campus he said, “I hope this isn’t another kid, we’ve had three so far this week.” “Yea, Steve, it seems that the kids are losing all control and touch with reality these days. I just can’t understand it. They have everything going for them. It’s not like they have to earn everything themselves. They get everything handed to them on a silver platter. I just can’t understand it. Whatever makes them just themselves has become an epidemic. It’s not always the poor down and out kid every time, either.” “Yea, Rob, I sure would like to get into their heads and see what makes them tick.”

As Rob and Steve arrived at the scene, Steve called in, “Unit One is 10-23.” And began to shut down the emergency equipment. He left the overheads on and turned off the front wigwags and the siren. A group of young men came running up to the doors of the Unit, clad in cutoffs and tongs, fraternity sweatshirts with cut-off arms, and some with no shirts on at all. As Rob opened his door, one of the young men ran up to him. It was Sam Cox, this semester’s pledge master. Jim was pledging the Alpha Tau Fraternity and this was the beginning of hell week. Sam gave Rob a bottle of pills and said, “Jim Robert’s was drinking pretty heavy tonight and must have taken these pills. H called me just before he passed out and told me what he did!”

Rob grabbed the drug box and the mobile telephone and Steve took the resuscitator unit and followed the crowd up the rickety white stairs on the side of the two-story house. As Rob entered the apartment he had to kick aside beer cans and empty pizza boxes, while Steve hopped over bags of garbage. As Steve and Rob entered the bedroom they saw a white male stretched across the bed, clothed only in a pair of cutoffs. The phone on the nightstand (beer create) was turned over, with the receiver lying on the floor. Rob turned the victim over and began checking his vital sighs, while Steve set up the phone directly linked to the University Hospital. As Rob looked into the victim’s eyes he observed that the pupils were dilated, his breathing was very shallow, and his pulse extremely weak. Rob unhooked the top of the victim’s pants and attached EKG wires on him, thus sending the readings directly to the hospital. Rob yelled, “we’re losing him!” while placing the stethoscope over the carotid artery in his neck. Steve grabbed the phone, making contact with the hospital. “We have a young, normal male who has apparently been drinking quite heavily, and there is evidence of Valium ingestion. Breathing is shallow, pulse weak, we’re sending you a strip!”

Suddenly the buzzer alarm sounded on the monitor, denoting cardiac arrest. Steve looked at Rob and yelled, “Straight lines!” Immediately reaching for the phone and cried, “Straight line!” as he initiated C.P.R. Steve gave Jim a cardiac thump while Rob checked for a pulse. Steve was certified to use a difibulator but this emergency unit was not equipped with one. “No good!” Rob yelled and began to blow air mouth to mouth into Jim’s lungs. Steve began pumping on Jim’s chest counting one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three, one thousand four, one thousand five, hit it! Rob blew another breath into Jim’s mouth. As the crowd of students stood by watching them trying to revive the unconscious youth there was dead silence. Except there was a blurb on the monitor equipment every time Steve pumped on Jim’s chest, and Steve counting compression’s. Steve and Rob worked on Jim while talking to each other, their conversation was inaudible to the observers but their faces expressed their internal agony and shock. Dead silence prevailed.

CHAPTERIII

The “OD” flashback

Suddenly there was a quite voice (in the distance) it was Jim saying, “What are these guys doing here?” while Jim’s eyes gazed directly at Rob’s. “What are you doing, leave me alone! Bob, stop them! Stop, won’t you? I want to die!” “Can’t you guys hear me” but no one was able. Jim’s memory flashed back over his life; he saw himself, as a young child, with his brother, Lenny, sitting at the top of the stairs that led into their bedroom. Jim was comforting Lenny, who was in tears. It was Christmas time and Jim’s mother and father, were quarreling (as usual) while putting up the Christmas tree.

Jim’s family was a typical middle class family. His father is a hard working Polish steel worker who has worked at All State Steel Mill for the last eighteen years. He is beginning to turn gray at the temples, has a large potbelly, and is a very meek and humble man. He is very set in his Catholic religion, but has been excommunicated from the church and therefore can’t receive the sacraments because his marriage to Ellie was performed outside

of the church by a Justice of the Peace. The Catholic Church would not recognize a marriage outside the church this meant Jim Sr. and Ellie were living in sin. This was a problem between Jim Sr. and God. Jim’s father worked long, hard hours at the mill and a lot of his earnings went to the church. Jim Sr. always went to church even though he could not receive any of the sacraments. He would give money through all the collections, almost as though he was trying to buy his way back into the church (as Ellie sees it).

Jim’s mother was completely opposite from his dad. She was a short, spunky Italian. No one would get the best of her. Jim remembered times when there were spats with the neighbor who stood well over six feet tall, but his overpowering size did not keep Mom from spitting right in his eye.

Jim’s mother and father had known each other for a long time before they married. They both lived and met in Carton, Pennsylvania. Jim was a very quiet, shy Polish emigrant, while Ellie was more of a social butterfly. She dated a lot, but never had any lasting relationships. She frequently wound up crying to Jim about her dates and problems. Jim would listen to Ellie and then try to comfort her. He was continually there for her when she needed him. Ellie eventually began to take advantage of Jim’s concern for her. Whenever a date did not go right or she was stood up, there was always “good, old Jim” standing in the wings, she could usually count on him. Jim and Ellie became very close and Jim was beginning to fall in love. Ellie knew she ha a good thing going and always knew just how far she could use him.

Ellie’s home life was usually in havoc, she continually fought with her mother, and her father left home when Ellie was just six years old. She never really knew her father. Ellie’s mother had a constant stream of lovers and one of the even made a play for Ellie, even though she was only 6 yrs. old. When Ellie told her mother, her mother blamed Ellie for the encounter. Ellie’s mother remarried when she was eight and she did not get along with her stepfather. There were also constant conflicts between Ellie and her two brothers. No one in the family ever seemed to get along.

When Ellie was sixteen she had a great idea. Why not leave home and get the hell away from all of this. She was bored with the area, after all it was a dirty old steel mining town and she knew that she deserved better. The only problem was that she was broke and did not have the means to leave. Then Ellie really had a brainstorm. Since Jim was always there for her and she knew he would do anything for her, why not talk him into marrying her and take her away from all this mess. Ellie convinced Jim that they should be married and move to a new area to start a new life of their own. Of course it did not take much convincing on Ellie’s part since Jim was madly in love by now and would do just about anything Ellie asked. Ellie never really loved Jim, but she though that maybe she would learn to love him in time. At least she was away from her family and that was what she really wanted to accomplish. Jim and Ellie went to the town’s Justice of the Peace for a quick marriage ceremony, got into their 1937 Ford and headed for the great state of Michigan, the “state of jobs and opportunity.”

Jim did not have a skilled trade when they arrived in Michigan, so he got his first job at Ford Motor Company on the assembly line. Jim was not too bright, but he was a very dependable worker. Jim worked for Ford’s until he left for the service, thanks to Uncle Sam’s “greetings.” After four years with the U.S. Army Air Corp. Jim returned home and began working as a machinist for All State Steel Mill.

Jim and Ellie lived in a modest little two-bedroom home in the downriver area. Jim was a hard worker, but they were lucky to be able to make ends meet at the end of the month. They never had the money to live as Ellie really wanted to live, so she began to work at a small shop as a drill press operator. Ellie started to become a new, very independent person. Between there two pays they began to live a little more comfortably, more the way Ellie was meant to live.

It seemed Jim and Ellie never mixed well together. She was oil and Jim was water. When the two of them go together there was always some kind of conflict. There was also a conflict between them stemming from their age difference: Jim, being eleven years older than Ellie, was pretty set in his ways, while Ellie felt she was missing things in her life. She wasn’t having any fun like most young people her age. In all the conflicts, Ellie being the stronger, more dominant one, usually came out on top. It seemed that this relationship was doomed from the start.

Jim and Ellie eventually moved to a larger home and they began to raise their family. Ellie suffered a miscarriage, which just about devastated her mentally. A few years latter she and Jim were able to begin their family.

Jim and Ellie had two sons, Lenny and Jim Jr. Lenny was four years older than Jim, and was born with two clubfeet and had to wear braces on his legs through most of his younger childhood days. When kids would tease Lenny, Jim would fight and stand up for his older brother. They lied in a nice, two-story home and the upstairs was converted into a bedroom, which Lenny and Jim shared, and a playroom. Any time there was an argument between Jim’s parents, Lenny and he would run upstairs and sit on the top steps, crying and converting each other, as their parents fought below. Their parents fought constantly, about everything. It seemed. Jim even began hating holidays like Christmas and New Years because he knew that when normal families would gather to enjoy each other and have fun, their parents would fight and everyone would become depressed. Jim remembered one time when his mother and father had been fighting for abbot two days. Jim’s father was gone and there was a knock on the door. It was a minister from one of the local churches. He had been sent over by one of Ellie’s friends. Ellie sent Jim and Lenny upstairs. The boys took their regular place, at the top of the stairs, to listen to what was going on. They learned that one of the major conflicts between their parents was religion. Jim’s mother was raised Jewish, which had been a surprise to them, since his brother and he were brought up as strict Catholics. They learned that their father was trying to force their mother to turn Catholic, but Ellie believed the Catholic Church was only interested in money and how much it could get from their members. Jim’s mother being Jewish was a deep, dark family secret, which she never allowed to come to light her whole life.

Jim and Lenny also had a dog, Tex. It was a mean looking animal, half Shepherd and half Lab, but he wouldn’t harm a fly. They both loved Tex and when there was a conflict between their parents, they would have to get the dog out of the area. Jim’s father was very meek and the only time he would let his anger come out was in the direction of the dog. When Jim and Lenny would run upstairs to hid from the fighting, Tex could usually be found sitting right in between them. As Jim grew older his parents fought more and more. Jim and Lenny became closer and closer as a result.

Jim was very popular with his friends and began to take an interest in music. They moved to a larger ranch home not too far from where they had been living. Through the years, Jim was very friendly and outgoing, but there was a piece of him he kept very much to himself. He never was real close to anyone and began to become a loner. He had friends and was popular with his schoolmates, but a part of him was always hidden. He kept all his inner feelings to himself. He was a very popular, but lonely guy.

Link to:”Why, Lord, Why” -  Part 2