There are train noises. Toby and Tom are sitting opposite a middle-aged man in a business suit He is fast asleep, his mouth wide open. Toby is eating a packet of peanuts.

Tom What d’you reckon, then?

Toby Yeah. Gross, isn’t it?

Tom Do you think they’re false?

Toby. I reckon. Too white, otherwise, for his age.

Tom Yeah, look at his conk as well. It’s all shiny.

Toby I wonder what it’s like. Being old, I mean.

Tom I think you sleep a lot.

Toby Yeah, my old granddad does. Makes funny noises, as well.

The sleeping business man starts to go “pwuh, pwuh, pwuh”. Tom and Toby start giggling.

Tom Just like that.

The man shuffles and grunts in his sleep.

Toby Do you dare me to, then?

Tom Yeah, go on, do it.

Toby throws a peanut at the man’s open mouth. He misses.

Man (in sleep) Snodgrasses. Go and get them.

Toby You what?

Toby and Tom giggle.

Tom You’re a rotton shot, you are. Give us a go.

He takes a peanut off Toby and aims at the open mouth. He misses the man’s mouth, but does hit him on the nose. The man waves his hand in front of his nose as if waving a way a fly.

Man (still asleep)Skideldibump. Blerp

Tom and Toby are almost helpless with laughter.

Toby What is he on?

Tom Man, I don’t know

The train noises stop. There’s a muffled voice speaking form outside.

Toby Shit man. Come on, that’s our stop.

Toby leans over the sleeping man to pull the window down. The man wakes up.

Tom Shit man, can’t you watch what you’re doing? Sorry mate. It’s my friend. He’s a clumsy buggar.

Man Is this Little Nether Whalloping?

Tom Yes, mate, it is.

Man Good job you woke me up then.

He rushes out of the door. The whistle blows and there are train noises again. Toby and Tom are still on the train.