PUGGY

Ouch!

HUNTER

I heard all about your plan, Spoot.

SPOOT

And? (Spoot gets up rubbing his arms)

HUNTER

I’m all for it.

SPOOT

Great! Wait, I don’t think Puggy is dead.

(Hunter raises his bow.)

SPOOT

Wait! Let me try something!

(Hunter  puts down his bow.)

SPOOT

Puggy!

PUGGY

Rangers these days.

SPOOT

Puggy!

PUGGY

What? (Gets up) It better be good, for your last words.

SPOOT

We shouldn’t be fighting each other!

PUGGY

Why not?

SPOOT

We have enough enemies! The trolls, ogres, dragons, wyverns, goblins, bandits, hobgoblins, and  spiders! We can’t afford to fight each other! We don’t need any more enemies! The only way we can live is by uniting, not fighting!

PUGGY

You have a point there. Take the staff. No more wars with humans, zephyrs, elves, half-elves, dwarves, Rangers, Halflings, gnomes, or lion-men. Let’s put an end to that!

SPOOT

Yes! That’s it! Oh, and by the way, do you have any dungeons to spare?

PUGGY

Oh, yes. There’s a deserted cave bigger than this with more traps and indoor lakes and secret passages than this one across the Misty Mountain. Why?

SPOOT

I want it.

PUGGY

Oh, take it! I don’t care.

SPOOT

Thanks!

(Aladar and Zigzag enter Stage left)

ZIGZAG

Spoot…. Hey! ATTACK!

SPOOT

No!

PUGGY

There’s MORE of them?

ALADAR

Dude! That guy is the lead orc dude! Run!

SPOOT

No. He’s our friend and no orcs will bother us again. We have a peace treaty. And the Staff was a fake and now I have the real one. And I get a dungeon better than this one.

ZIGZAG

What, really? That’s great! Now I don’t have to worry about escaping because the side entrance collapsed!

ALADAR

And I’m glad I didn’t find any orcs to kill!

PUGGY

You had BETTER be glad about that!

SPOOT

ANYway, you guys had best be going and I’ll go to my new dungeon!

PUGGY

I’ll tell the other orcs not to kill any more humanoids anymore! Oh, except the goblins, we can still kill them.

SPOOT

That’s right!

(Hunter and Spoot exit Stage Left. Aladar, Zigzag, and Puggy exit Stage Right.)

(Blackout)

SCENE 6

(In the city, Aladar and Zigzag on Left Center)

(King and Messenger enter Stage Right)

KING

You return with the Staff!

ZIGZAG

Yes, my lord.

KING

Where’s Spoot?

ALADAR

In his new dungeon, my lord.

KING

Great! No orcs for your, bounty, zephyr?

ALADAR

The name’s Aladar, my lord, and no, I didn’t bring any, my lord.

KING

That’s a shame, Aladar.

ZIGZAG

Actually, my lord, it isn’t. The orcs will never fight us again. We have a permanent peace treaty, my lord.

KING

This is great! Not only have you recovered the Staff of Ages, and you took care of our Orc Problem! Splendid job, my friends!

MESSENGER

I guess I’ll give you the money for a thousand orcs for the bounty, Aladar. You DID make sure a thousand of them never will bother us again, and that IS why I created the bounty.

ALADAR

Yes! Thank you!

MESSENGER

You are welcome.

KING

Great job, great job. Thank you.

ZIGZAG

You are welcome.

ALADAR

NOW LET’S PARTY!

KING

(To audience) Adventurers these days.

                                                                        (Curtains down)