Hamlet: What are you here for?

I do not remember asking for you.

Beowulf: I heard that you had a cake stolen from you. Now I have come to be a match for the culprit. I will not rest until I find him.

Hamlet: I do not need your help for anything!

I can find my cake by myself.

Beowulf: Ha! Very well, I will get on the case immediately.

[Beowulf exists.]

Hamlet: What an unpleasant meeting that was.

Can I really do it?

Can I really retrieve the cake?

But what am I doing doubting myself?

A task as important as this,

No one can accomplish but me.

I have already gone as far as insulting Ophelia,

Now I must finish this.

[Hamlet leaves his room.]

Scene 4

[Elsewhere in the castle, Raskolnikov is wandering around.]

Rask: I m-must find a place to hide the cake… But where? In my room? No, that would be too obvious. How could I be so naive? Here, I’ll leave it in this corner… I should not have taken that cake from the table… It is starting to haunt my every waking moment.

[Beowulf appears.]

Beowulf: I am Beowulf, conqueror of evil. Have you seen a cake in this castle recently?

Rask: [Rask jumps up in surprise.]

What!? Ah ha ha! What would make you ask something like that? I am but a scholar.

Beowulf: Then explain the sweat drops on your forehead! Your paleness deceives you.

Rask: I must take my leave. I will be in my room if you wish to see me (yet I pray that you won’t).

[Rask exits.]

Beowulf: Hey, where are you staying at? No matter. Such trivial tricks will not stop me. One of my Geats had seen him at the scene of the crime. The next time we meet will be the last.

[Beowulf exits.]

Scene 5

[Hamlet is eating dinner in the dining hall.]

[Enter Raskolnikov, looking extremely stressed.]

Hamlet: Ah, my good friend Raskolnikov!

Come join me for breakfast.

Rask: You mean dinner, my lord?

Hamlet: It is only a difference in words.

How are you feeling?

[Suddenly, Beowulf comes charging in.]

Beowulf [shouts]: Lord Hamlet, back away from that monster!

Rask: I’ve had enough of this! Fine, it was I robbed the cake of Hamlet. Let me tell my story.

Beowulf: So you admit it then?

[Beowulf draws his sword.]

I shall take down he who stole your cake.

Hamlet: [Hamlet stands.]

It was YOU who deceived me?

Wretched fellow, I shall not listen to your excuse!

[Hamlet draws his foil.]

[In a blur of motion, Hamlet stumbles and crashes into Beowulf. Both are stabbed by the other's blade.]

[Ophelia, who had heard the shouts from earlier, enters to see Hamlet fall. She runs to his side.]

Beowulf: As I lay dying, I am glad that my final case was solved. You, lady, are the last here. It is up to you tell my tale.

[Beowulf dies.]

Hamlet: O, I die, Ophelia!

My love for you was boundless.

In the end, your cake was never eaten.

But, I am sure that it would have tasted delicious.

[Hamlet dies.]

Ophelia [crying]: No! My lord Hamlet!

Alas, the life has left me.

I cannot go on without him.

[Ophelia exits the castle, never to return.]

Rask: This is too much for me. I have no choice but to exile myself. Only then can I put this event behind me. Farewell.

[Rask exits.]