Fade in:

Ext. Highway-Day

A minivan with New Jersey license plates is pulled over by a Florida police officer. He is dressed in full southern state police uniform, complete with mirrored sunglasses. He walks calmly and deliberately to the driver’s side window, where we see Steve, in his thirties, awaiting the officer’s arrival.

The officer appears at the window with his citation book in hand.

Officer

Good morning.

Steve

Yeah, it’s a good morning for you. You’re not a northerner being pulled over by some redneck cop.

Officer

I see y’all are from out of state.

Steve

Well, that’s how Interstate gun trafficking works.

Officer

Do y’all know why I pulled you over?

Steve

Don’t tell me. Our eyes met back there and you thought we may have had a moment.

Officer

Do you know what the speed limit is on the down side of that bridge that you just came over?

2.

Steve

Let me guess. A million miles an hour.

Officer

It’s thirty-five miles per hour.

Steve

Fifty-five miles per hour going up the bridge and thirty-five coming down it. Gee, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that’s some kind of speed trap, there, Jethro.

Officer

Didn’t you see that thirty-five mile per hour speed limit sign?

Steve

Actually, Officer, no I didn’t. I was too busy reaching in the cooler for another beer. Would you like one?

Officer

Well, I don’t know what they do in New Jersey, but do you know what we do down here in the south?

Steve

Aren’t you late for a Klan meeting?

Officer

We obey the speed limit.

Steve

Well, that would have been my ninetieth guess.

Officer

I clocked you at sixty-three miles per hour.

3.

Steve

Hey, I’m pretty impressed, considering you don’t look like you can count higher than five or six.

Officer

Driver’s license.

Steve hands over his driver’s license.

Officer

Steven Harris. Is that your name?

Steve

Actually, no. My real name is Rodney King. Why don’t you invite eighty or ninety of your cousins over here and you can play pavement piñata with me?

Officer

Can you tell me why the state of New Jersey hasn’t issued you a picture I.D. driver’s license?

Steve

Well, that’s because I’m from another planet and our image doesn’t show up in a photograph.

Officer

This state issues photo IDs to all its drivers.

Steve

That must make it tough, considering you start driving tractors at, what, the age of four down here?