ACT ONE
SCENE 1

ON THE PLANE Four immigrants are sitting on a plane from New Delhi, India to Toronto, Canada discussing life in Canada.
(FLYING PLANE SOUNDS HEARD OFFSTAGE)
(LIGHTS UP)
ANAND (nudging Baljinder) Oye Baljinder. Ki hal chal hai?
BALJINDER (turns towards Anand) Vadhia!
MAHMOUD (scowls at both) Hey we need (pause) speak English.
BALJINDER (surprised) Why?
MAHMOUD (explaining) So fit into Canada Culture.
ANAND Mahmoud, what will you when (pause) land?
MAHMOUD First finish masters, then see CN Tower
BALJINDER Can I come?
MAHMOUD For sure
BALJINDER (looking up with smile on face) I want to see mountains
ANAND But first finish Masters
MAHMOUD So what have you (pause) about Canada?
ANAND Good Education
BALJINDER Accepting culture
MAHMOUD Nice Food
ANAND Mom’s is better
(All laugh)
MAHMOUD What about weather?
ANAND (Waving hands in denial): Nooo! Really baad!
BALJINDER Why?
ANAND (whispers) I heard…goes to negatives
(All gasp)
MAHMOUD Don’t worry yaar, we will be fine with warm jackets
(Sound of plane landing is heard offstage)
ANAND Hey look, it’s snowing! Let’s get…luggage
BALJINDER I thought plane would never land
( All get up, grab luggage and exit offstage)
BLACKOUT

SCENE 2
CUSTOMS The Customs officer is giving trouble the three immigrants who just got off the plane.
(LIGHTS UP)
JEFF (Calls the four immigrants over) Next!
ANAND (Curious) What do we do?
JEFF (Loudly) Come on, I don’t have all day!
MAHMOUD (Nervously) Sorry for hold up
JEFF Yeah, you should be! (Opens passport and stares at it) What does this say? Ma Mud?
MAHMOUD (Looking at the Officer) It’s Mahmoud
JEFF (Laughing) What kind of name is Mahmoud?
MAHMOUD (Angry)Why you care what my name is?
JEFF (Calmly) Let me see your luggage
BALJINDER Why?
JEFF I need to inspect it
MAHMOUD (Handing over luggage) I don’t see why you want to check this
JEFF (Opening luggage and picking up sugarcane) What’s this? sugarcane?(Throws sugarcane on ground) Why would you want this junk?
BALJINDER Hey! You can’t do that!
JEFF Try and stop me
ANAND (Anand pulls him back) Forget it, Baljinder
JEFF Okay, the rest is fine. (Mahmoud walks off stage) Next!
ANAND (Kindly) Myself Anand
JEFF (Continuously looking at the passport and Anand) You don’t have a moustache, I thought all pakis had moustaches!
ANAND Oye! Sala koota! (stepping backwards)
BALJINDER Leave it Anand. We just got here, we don’t want to get in trouble
(Anand walks off stage)
JEFF (loudly) Next
BALJINDER (Handing passport over) I’m the last one
JEFF (Throws passport back) I don’t care. You and your brown friends can get the hell out of here!
BALJINDER (Whispering) Haramcor!
(Baljinder walks offstage with his luggage)
BLACKOUT

SCENE 3
WALKING DOWN STREET The two friends are on the street going to get something to eat.
(LIGHTS UP)
ANAND Oye, pukh lagi hai! (Rubbing Stomach)
MAHMOUD I hear lots of good food, in Canada
ANAND But, Mom’s is better!
ALL (Laughing and nodding) Hanji!
ANAND But, seriously, I am starving
MAHMOUD Well, we can go to the place where Baljinder got a job.
ANAND Yes! Let’s support our good friend Baljinder
MAHMOUD But (pause) What was it called?
ANAND (Looking around curiously) Oh! McDonalds!
MAHMOUD Aajachalia (Signaling towards the restaurant)
(ENTER MCDONALDS)
MAHMOUD (Pointing towards the cashier) Baljinder!
BALJINDER (Acting like he didn’t know his friends) May I take your order
ANAND (Kidding) Chaiwala?
BALJINDER (Now in an angry tone) May I take your order.
ANAND Ok friend, we will have 2 Big Macs
BALJINDER (Shruggishly) We’re out
MAHMOUD But how can you run out? You make them!
BALJINDER Get out of my restaurant
ANAND What has happened to you Baljinder? Why do you act like this?
BALJINDER Leave!
MAHMOUD (Walking towards the exit) I can’t believe this…
BALJINDER (Towards the next customer) May I please take your order?
CUSTOMER Sure. I will have 2 Big Macs to go.
BALJINDER That will be $11.02 please. (handing bag) Have a great day
ANAND (Walking back to counter, furiously) What the hell is this?! How can you do this? I thought we were your friends, you have no one else here!
MAHMOUD (Holding back Anand) Leave it, he isn’t worth arguing with. (Towards Baljinder) You are pathetic! (Turning around and walking toward the exit)
BLACKOUT

SCENE 4

APARTMENT Mahmoud and Anand are talking about their troubles in Canada, Baljinder calls and apologizes.

(LIGHTS UP)
MAHMOUD Anand, is this what you expected?

ANAND Its nothing like it.

MAHMOUD But what can we do? I want to get the proper education I came here for.

ANAND I feel so isolated in this country. We are not getting the respect we deserve.

MAHMOUD There is only one way out of this…

ANAND Home.

MAHMOUD Yes, I feel so welcome at home, so loved.

ANAND If I can’t even get food, without being insulted by my own people, how can I live here?

MAHMOUD It’s like we have been robbed of our freedom.

ANAND Should I make the arrangements?

MAHMOUD Unfortunately (pause) yes

ANAND I- (phone rings interrupting)

MAHMOUD I will get it. (Gets up and walks to phone, reads caller id) It’s Baljinder should I take it?

ANAND (Thinking) Yes, go ahead.

MAHMOUD Hello.

BALJINDER Hey its me, Baljinder!

MAHMOUD (sarcastically) How’s job going?

BALJINDER Good, very good. Sorry about today my boss told me to do that.

MAHMOUD That is no reason to treat us like that because of you we had no lunch.

BALJINDER It’s not my fault.

MAHMOUD How is it not?

BALJINDER Well my boss says if I act like that towards are kind he will invite me to all the hottest parties. That’s why I called, I wanted to ask you two if you wanted to join me and go to this party tonight.

MAHMOUD Why should we?

BALJINDER My boss says it’s a great way to have fun and relax, he called and put us all on the list to come.

MAHMOUD Let me ask Anand. You want to go party?

ANAND I guess we can give it a shot.

MAHMOUD Ok.

BALJINDER I will come by at 9:00.

BLACKOUT

SCENE 5

BUS STOP Three friends are talking about what they will do at the party they are about to attend.
(LIGHTS UP)
BALJINDER (feeling remorse) Once again, I’m sorry about… what happened at lunch.

ANAND It’s ok man, don’t worry about it!

BALJINDER Thanks a lot brother, you guys are good friends.

MAHMOUD Ya man, forget about it (pause) so you psyched about this party?

BALJINDER Yes! It’s going to be… off the hook!

ANAND Of course yarr, we are going to party tonight!

MAHMOUD (shaking head) Come on guys, lets get serious (pause) you sure this is a good idea?

BALJINDER Relax Mahmoud. We’re just three regular guys going to a club to relax, nothing to get worried about. Anyways, I hear there are going to be a lot of Indian girls there (starts to smile).

ANAND (Laughs) Man, we came to Canada for a reason… Mom told me not to come back without a white girl.

(Baljinder, Mahmoud, and Anand all break out laughing)

MAHMOUD (Still smiling) You guys are right! I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just don’t want to be insulted again, I don’t want that to get in the way of us having fun though.

ANAND (Proudly) We are jatts straight out of India! We don’t need to fear a thing!

BALJINDER Just leave it guys (pause) When’s that bus supposed to be here anyways?

MAHMOUD It should be here anytime now! I hope they are not as crowded and dirty as the buses were in India! (Pause) I don’t even think that’s possible!

BALJINDER AND ANAND Hanji!!! (Laugh)

MAHMOUD I think I see the bus coming around the corner! Let’s go!

BLACKOUT

SCENE 6

THE CLUB Three friends about to enter a club, happily talking to each other.

(MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND)
(LIGHTS UP)
ANAND Finally here yarr! I am so excited!

MAHMOUD Yes, we will finally be able to have a good time in this great country!

ANAND (Stops) Hey wait up, there is a bouncer at the door…

BALJINDER Yeah of course… I’m sure our names are on the list (pause) let’s go!

MAHMOUD Alright, I’ll go first. (Walks up to bouncer).

BOUNCER Name?

MAHMOUD Mahmoud.

BOUNCER Can you repeat… whatever that was.

MAHMOUD (a lot of emphasis) Mahmoud.

BOUNCER Macmud??? (looks down at list for two seconds) Nope, not on here.

(Anand and Baljinder walk up beside Mahmoud)

BALJINDER Our names have to be on the list (pause) please check again.

BOUNCER And what are your names?

ANAND Anand and Baljinder!

BOUNCER You have to be kidding me! (Glances around) Okay guys look, we have a strict policy at this club (pause) if I can’t pronounce your names, then your not allowed in. Sorry.

BALJINDER AND ANAND What!

MAHMOUD May I speak to somebody else please?

BOUNCER Are you guys going to leave or do I have to make you leave? (Takes step towards them).

ANAND Calm down buddy… (pause) Come on guys let’s go. We don’t want any trouble.

BALJINDER Man don’t take this. (Looks at bouncer) Can you tell us again why we are not allowed in?

BOUNCER I told you already, the Boss doesn’t want any PAKIS cramping up the style in our club.

MAHMOUD (Silently) I guess we were wrong, there are really no good people here in Canada. It’s over.

BOUNCER You guys are going to have to leave!

MAHMOUD Don’t worry, we are gone.

BLACKOUT