One day, I stumbled upon something on my computer. That thing was you. As I stood there wondering what you were doing, you were reading these pointless words. One day, as all people must do, you farted from reading this, and over eating those chili dogs and baked beans.

     Five says ago last Tuesday, you had control over your toots. Now, you have no control and cannot imagine what shall happen to you next. And, as I feel sorry for you, I must say you deserved that. You are ignorant, disgraceful, and you read this. Please, don’t be like that since you already have a major outbreak in the toots. Look out, it’s a fart cloud!

     Three hours later, After painful suffocation, I thought it over. I guessed that you were still farting uncontrollably. I was hiding behind my computer while you had your rear end facing your computer screen. As I sat there, I wrote this story, scared out of my wits. I quickly called fart-11, the emergency hot line for fart related problems. They said they were busy with someone who ate 10 pounds of beans, and was toxicating the town.

     The next day. I could take no much more of this. Please don’t point that at me. I did nothing wrong, and I’m poisoned by your horrible stench. Even my uncle Flaco doesn’t deserve this, and he’s been sentenced the death penalty next week. Why must you torture me? I took a while to write this so click the “liked it” button below to see me get tortured even more. By the way, if you actually read that. 1. It’s totally true, and 2. I feel sorry for you.