Forget to breathe, attacks of panic
A near-orgasmic rush of warm pleasure
Followed by fear: sharp, stabbing, manic
I’m dancing on a live high wire in stilettos
Nerves jangling, heartbeat wild, demonic

Then paranoia seeps through
Putting down its dark, sinuous roots
Everyone watching, nothing rings true
Talking me down, out to get me
Trust no-one, not even you

After that, bleak despair
Days becalmed, no motivation
Able only to sit and stare
Overtakes me from inside
And leads nowhere

Stressed
Paranoid
Depressed
Anxious
A mess

Then months of varied medication
Can’t sleep or else comatose
Mild frustration
I don’t really know why, but I should
Perhaps a glimmer of anticipation

Then one day – a rational thought!
Just one among the rabid fear and doubt
And nerves still taut
I cry till I am spent, a husk
But the idea of recovery has caught

More months pass, not much to know
At least not as far as I’m aware
But now I watch the flowers grow
I sit in the sun and feel its warmth
My heart feels more alive, less slow

Like an infant once again
They wean me off my many pills
Some days a flood engulfs my brain
Faint and giddy, weak and unsteady
But feeling stronger in the main

At last I think of what I’d like to do
No more the world of finance and high stress
I feel the joy of living coming through
They warn me that the dark could come again
But for now I feel as rational as you