It is about letting go and trying to move on and the things I’ve realized and realizing as of the moment.

I know it has been a while since we’ve seen each other and talked like the way we used to. I certainly have no idea whatever it is we are both under now. I know it’s not the way I wanted it, but there are things I want to say to you, and I want to get them all out the way they need to be said because it’s getting heavier each day inside me but I assure you, this is not going to turn out in to another futile chapter of grief or any begging drama. Perhaps, it’s just that I still feel bad about myself and I guess the only way for me to get over it is to tell you everything that I’ve realized and realizing as of the moment. I know I’ve promised you several times prior to this that it will be last flash, but I have to admit I’ve never moved on or recovered yet. For that I would like to apologize but this time, it’s for real. I so desperately want to put up an imaginary or pretentious closure so that I can finally let go of you without any what ifs and qualms in my heart. So please, just give me time for this.

I really don’t know what happened to us. I thought we were special. I can only guess at various things, maybe we didn’t talk enough, maybe we spent too much time together, maybe we both hid our feelings when we were hurt or annoyed, maybe we were both controlling. 

I’ll admit I was never expressive or appreciative about anything between us. I was always fearful and anxious whenever we’re together. I’ve never tried to give you back the right effort. I was silly and childish. I kept on complaining and rising up pessimism in the air. I seemed like unaware and oblivious of how good and fine you are to me. I don’t know why I was like that. It’s just so frustrating because I was in fact really very happy and overwhelmed with your presence. I felt so blessed that I’ve met someone as perfect as you. I even considered you as an answered prayer (heaven sent). I even thought of the times we spent together as precious dream-like encounters that sometimes they took me hard time to snap back to reality. But all along the time we had, I never made you feel as if you are that amazing. Maybe, I tried so much to suppress my feelings. I know I wanted it but I just had too much lax that it led me to being arrogant.

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