As a little girl I craved my mother’s attention;
I craved my mother’s love;
I craved my mother’s tender touch.

As a little girl I heard her words spoken loudly in my ear;
I heard her say how ugly I was;
I heard her say how stupid I was.

As a little girl I was locked inside a cage;
I tried to escape but couldn’t figure out how;
I tried to cry but the tears all dried up.

As a little girl I felt every hit upon my tender flesh;
I stared at the bruises that turned many colors before they disappeared;
I stared at myself in the mirror and hated the little girl who stared back at me, as much as, she hated me.

As a little girl I thought, “maybe if I am better she will love me.”
I was not allowed to ever touch her; I never knew what a hug was.

As a little girl I was told I deserved everything that happened to me;
I no longer believe her words that cut deeper than a knife;
I no longer believe the pain she delivered was, “for my own good.”

As a little girl I had a dream;
I was with a beautiful woman who held me close to her and whispered in my ear;
this beautiful woman told me how much she loved me;
But I would always wake up and be in the same nightmare that was my reality.

I continue to dream about that woman and my inability to find her;
I knock on door after door, hysterically weeping, looking for her in my dream;
But I never find her and realize I never will;
God sent me to the wrong person; the one who didn’t want me;
And the one who did, well, she was never able to find me either…