I am a man who met a man one night at a bar I would frequent.

Together night after night I soon felt love was finally sent.

Though we each continued having one night stands, I soon became aware

It was with him only I felt love with sex and thus I was ensnared.

The nights together became closer as days turned into weeks

I knew he was in the Navy, slowly learned he was a priest.

Still, this man I loved was one I could not leave or harm

For only his embrace let me feel loved, desired, and warm.

The days turned into weeks into a year, then two, and then three

Only after over two decades had past did he decide to leave me.

I knew he had his reasons though his excuses bore the ring of lies

Because we were so in love the night before the day of his goodbyes.

He said he wanted to be just friends and out of love I tried to do so

Then we began to say hateful, hurtful things so no more love could grow.

We tried rare visits, e-mails, and calls to show we were still friends

But soon these grew further apart and I could no longer pretend.

I did, still do, and always will love the man I met at the bar

But can no longer hide the loss I feel or the depths of my scar.

Recently, I found the strength to return to him all I had of his.

Sadly, it was just one bag of clothes and photos in two boxes.

Photos of times, places, and events we shared for those two decades

So he could destroy any that might cause him harm, save what he might save

Not because I wanted to but to reassure him I would never do him harm.

A statement he had made only weeks after walking away from my arms.

The pain his comment, made in anger, and one other I will not reveal

Cut my heart to the core, hurts me every day, and forever will.

To know now he felt toward me these ways after all our years

Brings me more heartache than I can describe along with my tears.

I try to soothe my suffering soul by showing to others outward strength

Through every day and being grateful for our loves’ decades length

Yet honesty makes me face a simple truth from which I would hide

The love I thought was shared together came only from my side.

Promises given and plans made soon became things remembered only by me

Another truth I had to face that was I would never find my self free

I loved him then, I love him now, and my love for him will stay

I am not just his friend, never will be, so its best it ends this way.

No more to hear his gentle voice or feel his warm embrace

I am, in this respect, alone eternally for no other can replace

The trust and faith I gave to him, the confidences we often shared

So I awake each day angry with my self for becoming so ensnared.

Now nights run into days then into weeks and now almost two years

Though each day no outward ones are seen there remain my inner tears

I am full of questions that are never answered yet enduring as far

As I can the pain caused by my self and the man I met at the bar.

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