Johnny Walker was an angry pirate on Blackbeard’s ship. He was part of the crew, as well as Rob Roy, who was usually a bloodthirsty pirate. Blackbeard said, “Arrr me hearties. Go inland to the deep south and pillage the land. Bring back some swag.”

Johnny and Rob got off the ship and Blackie yelled down, “Godspeed!”

Rob saw a fatkid on the rocks and said “Arrr! You’re the captain’s son.”

The kid said, “Yeah. I’m Tom Collins. He looked at Johnny. “Are you some kind of butt pirate or something?”

Johnny took a step forward. “Bite me, you jack off!”

Tom asked, “What are ya gonna do? Fuck me up?”

” Hell Yeah! First, I’m gonna bitch slap ya. Then I’ll mess you up. You’ll go to Davey Jones’ locker!”

Rob said, “Don’t be a dumbfuck. If the cap’n found out, you’d be the one in Davey Jones’ locker, Matey.”

Johnny glared at Tom . “You have some man boobs, I see. Where’d ya get such fat titties? Blackie ain’t fat.”

Tom put his hand on his chest. “My mother was a fat hooker who wanted to be a porn star and live in a penthouse.”

Johnny put his hand on Tom’s shoulder . “Lad, I didn’t ask your life story. Just why you’re so fat.”

Rob ponted. “Arrr! Look at that grey goose coming out of that busch.”

Tom said, “Yeah. It’s heading for the parrot pirch. It’s too big for the pirch, but it eats the candy cane flavored scooby snacks that are under it.”

Johnny and Rob looked at each other and shrugged.

Tom said, “I’m gonna go see my old granddad now.”

Johnny asked, “Who’s he, me bucko?”

“His name is Samuel Adams.”

Rob’s eyes got really big. “Aye! I know that ol’ dirty bastard. He’s the fucking shit!”

Johnny said, “Let’s go!”

They arrived at apartment 44D and just walked in, where black metal came out of the speakers.

Sam exclaimed, “Hey! I was just expecting Tom. Haven’t seen you guys in years!” He grabbed a blue bong and said, “Let’s get stoned. First, I have to get rid of this dirty bong water.” He took it over to the sink.

A blonde bombshell came out of the bedroom and gave Tom a kiss on the lips, leaving maroon lipstick on Tom’s lips.

Johnny laughed, “Nice shade of lipstick, Tom.”

Tom wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

Sam came over and said, “Have a seat guys. I’m southern. comfort is important.”

Rob said, “Arrr…remember when you got all jacked up and scraped the bottom of the barrel. Got with that cockteaser wench and I needed a violent fuck. I fucked her so hard, she got a bleeding snatch and went braindead.”

The bombshell yelled, ” Jamaican me crazy!” Then threw a small bomb, causing a little explosion.

Sam yelled at her, “You better be grateful dead people ain’t here now.”

Everyone was puzzled by that statement. Rob said, “Ehhh?”

Sam said, I meant you better be lucky you didn’t kill any of them. Or I’d kill you. He grabbed the bombshell and pushed her toward Rob. “Take her!”

“Okay! I’ll take her. Come with us.”

Tom grabbed a silver watch and a gold ring that was laying on the table before leaving. Johnny said, “Aye! Good one, Matey! You’re a pirate in the making.”