Drawing the curtains and surrounding myself with darkness

I’m lying on the floor, injecting myself with hatred

Prisoner of my own pain, of my thoughts, of the memories that won’t fade

Victimised by the conditioned circumstances, black and blue from head to toe

Reliving the anger, the pain, the blood they took for their material gain

Born into the four walls of anarchy, I’m trying so hard to let everything go

Trying and trying but I keep on failing

Trying and trying but I’m so far from succeeding

Happiness is a long shot away from where I’m standing

I put faith in the ones that should have saved me and after all the years of waiting and waiting

I finally gave up – finally.

 __

I’m no longer the one who needs saving, I’m the one you should be breaking

Conditions are changing, my feelings are fading, this pain is never ending but

It feels so good, the adrenaline is pumping and revitalising I almost yearn for another blow

Blood on your hands, poison on your tongue, searching, constantly searching for another one to throw against the wall

Searching; searching for another lonely soul to take, to break and to throw away.

 __

Tired of crying and hurting, of constantly being broken

Always looking to throw another blow, another tantrum, never listening to the words being spoken

Four walls built on pain and loneliness, devoid of love and emotion

Creating a multitude of problems and never accepting the solutions

Trying to break through the walls that trap me but I fail physically

Trying to break away from the memories but I fail emotionally

Trying and trying but I’m left jaded

Trying and trying but hope is constantly escaping.

 __

Venom seeping in through my veins, tearing up my body and hiding in the crevices of my brain

This is no longer a sickness but a way of life, trying so hard to resist it but I’m ready for acceptance

My world is dark and I’m a long shot away from being saved

Prisoner of my own pain, of my thoughts, of the memories that still won’t fade.