a bottle of 7-up jellybeans

in the fridge

-

a dollar bill with the word “VICTORY” written on it

with a blue felt pen

-

a car that starts

so long as you are in a good mood

-

a company that sells other companies

for handshakes

-

a fear of drawers

in the Ikea parking lot

-

a cell phone plan that ends

sometime next year

-

a dehydrated banana split

with cherries on top

-

a tendency to accuse people

of cutting in line

-

a lamp that turns on

if  the idea is worth writing about

-

a pencil with no eraser

or regrets

-

a pen that writes upside down

really

-

a dictionary in alphabetical order

by the last letter of each word

-

a bug spray

that never wears off

-

a camera

that automatically deletes pictures it doesn’t like

-

a tree that grows on charcoal

and blooms diamonds

-

a tire mark

on a hairpin turn

-

a sense of entitlement

to common sense

-

a dog that likes cats

that like dogs

-

a mouthwash

that tastes like soap

-

a rope

that can never break

-

a magnet

that only attracts hair

-

a universe with gravity

that is backwards

-

a soap

that washes off guilt

-

a remote

that comes when you whistle

-

a watch with a camera

that watches you

-

a bumper sticker that says “gotcha”

in tiny font

-

a guitar that you play

with your toes

-

a rock that brings luck

half the time

-

a fudge

that never gets cold

-

a clock that laughs

instead of ticking

-

a coat of many colors

in a bag

-

a balloon

that will only burst on Wednesday

-

a girl scout cookie

that you found somewhere in your car

-

a dumbbell

that knows why you lift it

-

a Canadian accent

with a lisp

-

a business card

that says you’re a person

-

a book filled with pictures

of grass

-

a light switch

that controls your whole house

-

a school that teaches you

how to take notes

-

a man who builds rollercoasters

out of his spare time

-

a word that rhymes

with month

-

a knife

that can only cut strawberries

-

a small pumpkin

with bird eggs inside it

-

a cat

that thinks the floor is lava

-

a hippie

that shoots from the hip

-

a box

with a bag of dice inside it

-

a thirst for revenge

through distraction

-

a cold bottle of jellybeans

to quench it