I represent the life I fight against

An oppressive state that supplements my troubled mind.

Like a green pasture that satisfies me when my cup ceases to run over

I should look within

instead of searching further  

Be confined to my sin

until I see what makes me. Me

Stare at it face to face

Look at it from that dark place

Examine it, then cry when the answer hurts

and get over it

by not dealing with it

And in time, let the experience of running

bring me back to it.

And when time turns right

        and the path of wrong is undone

I’ll plead for forgiveness

trying my damndest to make everything I did

stand for something my son can set His dreams to

Heeding the error of my ways.

God doesn’t ask for us to live in disgrace

     only to accept his grace

But if salvation was that simple

  where does this war inside me come from?

This fight that destroys the relationships I build…

Hopefully, after my head rises on that final amen

god will see me for who I tried to be

  Because I did believe but got deceived

I was deceived I could see god

Through another man’s eyes

trying to experience his existence

 from history’s perspective

Not knowing how to put his words

 within the context of my heart

My sins wreaked with the aroma of hell

  and God still wanted to be coupled with me

But all I heard was sin stunk to high heaven…

and it hurt because I thought sin was me

But it wasn’t enough to keep me from searching for

    the real You

Faith doesn’t have to be blind only willing

willing to accept change without losing sight of grace.

My life has been filled with recurring sins 

So I cannot judge, for I’m a practitioner

Hoping one day

    my life will bear semblance

        of a father’s existence.