An “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” company was starting to parade in a small New England town when a big gander, from a farmyard near at hand waddled to the middle of the street and began to hiss.

One of the double-in-brass actors turned toward the fowl and angrily exclaimed:

“Don’t be so dern quick to jump at conclusions. Wait till you see the show.”—K.A. Bisbee.

When William H. Crane was younger and less discreet he had a vaunting ambition to play Hamlet. So with his first profits he organized his own company and he went to an inland western town to give vent to his ambition and “try it on.”

When he came back to New York a group of friends noticed that the actor appeared to be much downcast.

“What’s the matter, Crane? Didn’t they appreciate it?” asked one of his friends.

“They didn’t seem to,” laconically answered the actor.

“Well, didn’t they give any encouragement? Didn’t they ask you to come before the curtain?” persisted the friend.

“Ask me?” answered Crane. “Man, they dared me!”

LEADING MAN IN TRAVELING COMPANY—”We play Hamlet to-night, laddie, do we not?”

SUB-MANAGER—”Yes, Mr. Montgomery.”

LEADING MAN—”Then I must borrow the sum of twopence!”

SUB-MANAGER—”Why?”

LEADING MAN—”I have four days’ growth upon my chin. One cannot play Hamlet in a beard!”

SUB-MANAGER—”Um—well—we’ll put on Macbeth!”

HE—”But what reason have you for refusing to marry me?”

SHE—”Papa objects. He says you are an actor.”

HE-”Give my regards to the old boy and tell him I’m sorry he isn’t a newspaper critic.”

The hero of the play, after putting up a stiff fight with the villain, had died to slow music.

The audience insisted on his coming before the curtain.

He refused to appear.

But the audience still insisted.

Then the manager, a gentleman with a strong accent, came to the front.

“Ladies an’ gintlemen,” he said, “the carpse thanks ye kindly, but he says he’s dead, an’ he’s goin to stay dead.”

Mrs. Minnie Maddern Fiske, the actress, was having her hair dressed by a young woman at her home. The actress was very tired and quiet, but a chance remark from the dresser made her open her eyes and sit up.

“I should have went on the stage,” said the young woman complacently.