Afghanistan I long to be

to whittle away the while.

Afghanistan.

I long to see the world’s biggest pile.

The land of fruit forbidden

with a taste for the bizarre.

Where women keep their faces hidden

like a battle scar.

Someday I’ll do Afghanistan.

Ride bikes instead of cars.

I’ll take the wife on caravan

atop my handlebars.

Enjoy the fearsome fireworks

admonishing the stars.

Participate in circle jerks.

Go shopping at Omars.

Bargain basement prices

on tanks and armored cars.

Nuclear devices.

(Thank God they have no bars)

Don’t miss the poppy fields.

It’s their number one attraction.

See some human shields.

Join a reble faction.

Scoff at toilot paper

as you learn to use your hand

and be a camel raper

Show that beast whose the man.

Ride that camel Afghan

and worship your Koran.

Watch the sky for superman

In Afghanistan.