I hate you for what you did to me!
For what you allowed me to do to myself.
For the disease you gave me…
the creeping cancer of unrequited love that ate away my heart,
and decimated my sanity.

I hate you for letting me think you cared for me,
and that I could be your “one!”
When, in truth, I was only your “fallback guy.”
A “best friend,” “big brother,” “great guy!”
Nothing more than a fucking emotional crutch!

I hate you for every day that I lived numb;
anesthetized to every human feeling.
For every day that I didn’t care if I even woke up!
And for the indifference in my soul
while I merely went through the motions of life.

I hate you for each kiss on the cheek;
for every single hug
when you squeezed me for minutes on end.
For touching me; and letting me think
that those touches really meant something.

I hate you for dancing with me!
For holding me so tightly
as we twirled slowly around the floor,
allowing me, for a few moments,
to forget about the rest of the world!

I hate you for George de Mestral;
for B.B. King; Harley-Davidson Barbies,
and for the thousand other things
that I will forever link with you!
The emotional litter strewn across my heart.

I hate you for the inspiration you gave me.
For the plethora of little things you did
that gave my pen a Mercurian speed,
and drew words from the deep recesses of my mind
to create magical pieces for you.

I hate you for every poem I wrote you,
for every “interesting” story, and for each song!
For the ones you thought were sweet,
the ones you thought were beautiful,
the ones you liked, and the ones you loved!

I hate you for scrambling my every thought
each time I looked into your eyes,
and for how I fumbled like a clown in your presence.
For the way you showed me myself,
though distorted like some funhouse reflection.

I hate you for every night I lay awake;
staring into the darkness of my room,
with a thousand thoughts of you
running through my fevered mind,
until sleep finally overwhelmed my exhausted body.

I hate you for every sweet dream you inhabited,
each one that I had to wake up from…alone.
For all the memories that haunt me
in the defenseless corners of my mind.
The ones that I’ll never be able to erase.

I hate you for not loving me like I loved you,
and for never quite setting me free.
You forced the heavy burden of self-doubt on my mind,
and made even the most gracious compliment
seem to whisper a single word…fool.

I hate you for reopening that little door;
the one in my mind that I so desperately
battled to keep safely barred.
The door that holds back the monster that I see
behind my eyes when I look in the mirror.

Though most of all, I hate you for coming back into my life,
denying me a peaceful exile,
after I had scraped the last traces of infection from my mind,
after I had swept up the broken shards of my heart
and exorcised the demons from my soul.

Three years passed, and you reappeared;
as if you were afraid that I had forgotten you.
I hadn’t; I could sooner erase the stars from heaven;
and for that I can never forgive myself!
I hate you because all I ever did was love you!