A Poem about Self Sabotage.
I always told you that the love I have for you was absolutely abiding;
Real
Every beat of my heart whispered your name and,
When I fell to slumber I dreamed only of waking in your arms
And when I did, all was right in the world
I always told you I would love you for my whole life long;
I do
You asked how I knew it would be so; how I could be so sure.
And I never told this or even hinted at it before
But
Everyday I would think of ways to adore you
To throw velvet red rose petals on the ground in homage to you
Things to say in song,
In poem,
And in deed or word
Something different everyday came to mind
As you showed me some different charm to adore
If your beauty was unending in my eyes
And it was
And is
Then surely so was my ability to show you my adoration in kind
And so
I needed a lifetime to simply keep up with your wondrous bounty
And
When I hurt you,
And
I know I had at times my dear
I would shudder;
recoil and I shrank in fear
For I couldn’t afford to create a deficit or bruise the
Heart I held in such high esteem
The heart I worked so feverishly to keep well nourished and near
Still
Although I loved you and yet I held myself in utter disdain
and so
When happiness reached for me, I sadly withdrew
Or
Sabotaged our love in hopes that happiness would not remain
So the paradox is that I would push you away and cause you pain
But
Remember this for if ever you were to believe the truth
This is true and I wish to make it veritably plain
I only meant to hurt myself
I never meant my love, to damage you
Copyright© 2010 J. K. Bradford
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