One of my more depressing poems.
Words scratched out in pen,
Destructively, morosely.
They used to mean so much,
The pain pierces her heart
Overwhelming grief you wouldn’t believe.
She’s lost without you and your
Well crafted words.
Scared to lose you,
She stumbles across the room,
Pain, pain, pain.
She wont tell him.
No, he means too much.
She doesn’t want him to see her like this,
So devastated, beyond words,
Emotions a poem could never describe.
She wants him to be happy
Could he find his happiness in her?
She spends her nights crying,
Hands clammy,
Heart barely beating.
“I love you” she whispers,
and waits to hear a faint whisper in return.
I picked you because I see so much potential. This poem just pours out dark emotion, and I feel all of it when I read it. Just a couple of tweaks would make it much better. The line “prances aguishly across the room,” I don’t like at all. prances suggests happiness, another word would fit better with the tone of your poem. I know what you’re trying to say with aguishly, but it’s not a word. She moves slowly, She walks angrily about the room….she stalks across the room. She stumbles about the room…
See, many other ways of saying that line would work as well and not detract from the poem as that one line does.
Think about it. 
These are meant to be constructive criticisms, and not hurtful. Overall. I loved it, and like I said, I write many that are similar.
I do love your last line…”and waits to hear a faint whisper in return” Beautiful.
No, I appreciate it very much! I do agree prances isn’t the best word, I was trying to think of others, I really liked the “She stumbles about the room”
As for anguishly I think it should be a word, but I suppose I should come up with a word that exists 
Thanks so much!
Welcome to Authspot, the spot for creative writing.
Read some stories and poems, and be sure to subscribe to our feed!
