When I was just a young’n I would sit for many hours
At the feet of an old handyman by name of Billy Bowers.
Now this old man could tell a story like no one ever could.
I wish to goodness I could tell his stories half as good.

He’d sit there on a park bench in our little courthouse square
And recall the time he rassled with an eleven foot bear.
Last year the bear was only 10 feet tall but I’d act like
This was the first and only time he’d ever told this tyke.

He’d tell about his cousin Jimmy who lived over in French Lick.
Said he worked for the city parks whenever he wasn’t sick.
He was the chipmonk inspector.  Hey, that’s what Billy said.
Said ground squirrels made him sickly–kept him in bed.

                                     
He’d say, See that tree up yonder on the courthouse tower?
That was carried up there on the back of Mr. Charlie Bowers.
He’s my uncle on my daddy’s side–a giant of a man.
Folks said if anyone can tote that tree up there, Charlie can.

Billy’d take a plug of Day’s Work out and cut him off a chaw;
Wet it down a little bit then stick it deep within his jaw.
Then he’d start another story as he showed a toothless grin
With a trickle of tobacco juice slowly dripping down his chin.

He’d say son, what’s that danglin’ from yore lips?  Throw it away.
Don’tcha know them things’ll kill ya?  I didn’t know what to say.
Then  he told about his grandpa.  Smokes took him to an early grave.
Yep.  Stopped to light one up one day–got drowned by a tidal wave.

He told me ’bout this ol’ boy that had a glass eye in his face
And when he took it out he still could see all over the place.
One time while sitting in the park he rolled it in the dirt.
It kept on seeing and it rolled right underneath some ladies skirt.

Yeah, old Billy Bowers told some stories I didn’t think were true
But once he got to tellin’ I sat there till he was through.
He said every one of his nieces  and nephews were real,  real smart.
Heck, he said, the one that went to college can calculate the speed of dark.

Well, old Billy Bowers is gone now–up in Heaven I believe.
Some say he went the other way ’cause he practiced to deceive.
Tall tales is not the same as lying and if it could be known
I’ll bet he’s telling stories as they gather ’round the throne.