I know the bird crap thing has possibly outlived it’s usefulness, but this is kind of an ode to an old and dear friend. In tenth grade, my best friend and I were walking out of class, out of nowhere here comes this giant seagull, and it craps on his shoulder, on a brand new shirt.

Just a few feet away, another friend, on the annual and school newspaper team, took a picture, at the perfect moment. I was laughing hysterically and pointing at him, and he was grimacing with a disgusted look on his face. Well, as you can guess, the picture showed up in the yearbook, everybody in school loved it, and we had two more years to give him crap about bird crap.

The birds they crap all over
They’ll crap on your dog Rover
They’ll crap on a Land Rover
They crap upon your Hummer
It really is a bummer
They crap during winter
And then they crap in summer.
They crap on the poles
They’ll crap your garden hose
If your day is going bad
They might crap on your nose
If you are wearing sandals
They’ll crap upon your toes
They crap on hookers & hoes
Bird crap really blows
They crap all over trees
If you sit they’ll crap on your knees
They probably crap on other birds
And maybe crap on bees
Down by the beach
They crap on Jack in the Box
They crap on the boardwalks
If they have more crap to crap
They crap it on the rocks
They crap from traffic lights
We are the target in their sights
They tried to crap on you
I know they’ve crapped on me
The birds goal is to crap
Everywhere you see
Just like the politicians
Who crapped on the economy