Never genuine happiness
Always lonely, even in a crowded room
No one seems to understand
That I’ve been through a past like no other
And so have you, but we’re different
Different problems, different people, different pain
I’m not better than you-
I probably haven’t been through as much as you
And yet you can smile and feel
And I can’t.
I don’t have the ability to love-
I don’t know how to smile
To feel a name that I was born into
So much of a past,
Shaping me more everyday
Your pain bearing into me.
More pain encountering me along the way
Always finding its way to me.

Everyday a new adventure,
With the past right close behind
Following me gravely,
Never letting me go
Always finding a way to ruin my day.
Grudges and memories combined
Create quite the problem
When presented the way
That they’re laid out in my head.
Presented as a break down
Of imagination, creativity, and life.
All of you are happy-
And you’ve probably seen more than I have
Just different
You don’t know my memories
Or what plays in my head
You don’t know why or how
I act how I do or
That I am how I am.
Just like I don’t know you.

Blissful- doesn’t describe me-
Although you may never know
A name that doesn’t have a meaning-
Only to ruin my life.
An expectation I can’t live up to.