They crawl on me and I let them

Boys that haven’t reached manhood

But think they have.

Tendencies.

I have let them run rampant

As I let them consume me mentally

But try not to show it.

I give out orders

Letting them roll off my tongue

One by one,

As I find they come to

Disobey them.

But, they make me feel less alone

Yeah I know that is no excuse

For what I’ve done

And for the

Emotional ride it puts me through

Leaves me shivering and quaking to

That I just don’t need right now

I feel dirty when I’ve done it

More alive when I put myself to it

And the music starts.

The beating of two hearts can drown

Out the sound of life’s drums

Pounding at my temples.

I try to hold back

And hide so many things

Age is a number I can’t catch up with

I’m still just a little girl

Trying to pretend that I roar with a woman’s voice

Am I

Such a bad seed? I know I’ve done wrong

Giving myself up to guilty pleasures

Just to escape

I give myself to the flirtations and approaches

Even though I don’t believe in them at all

Just so I can remove myself from loss

Of a maternal and a lover’s love

The two that may just hurt the most

But I am exempt.

I give of these men my nectar but never my soul

That which belongs to the trees and the spirits

That which belongs to only one man

Who is also still just a boy

And doesn’t quite understand love

But who does?

He who I have loved and lost

Several times through faults

Of both of ours, that brought both of us to our knees

Under the artificial light of night

And the darkness that day is sometimes perceived as by me

Both hearts are bound with bandages that just won’t hold them up

With us trust comes and goes

As do I

Time it flies by so slowly

And we meet in the center

But one gets carried and moves away

And our tears are the only things that are steady between us

And the pain

Oh there is always pain, that’s how it goes

And I know that he loves me so

But can he show it a little more?

Wrap me up in his arms and kiss me just once

So I wouldn’t have the excuse to run to another

Because I feel the need for attention

Even though he’s strong enough to do without

Even my attentions.

He’s been here, we’ve been there

Name it in such little time we have witnessed it together

Love, pain, death, and rage, jealousy, and sinfulness

Racism and holistic beauty

This soul is solely for him

I may let as many as I wish in

But only so far

They may feel infatuation but I am still

In the waves of flirtation

I haven’t left the stage

They drift to the spotlight

Only to find themselves  alone

And I warned them.

They may not know, that all my sufferings

Are worthwhile while he’s near

And he may not comprehend all that I have to offer

Either

But either way whether they’re inside or without

Whether I decide to call them again

Or desire to let them within me again

I know my soul is not theirs to conquer

The only worthy one is the one

Who’s  name I desire

To call out in bed

And to fill his head with butterflies

No matter how hard a try is worth

And no matter in the end how we

Manage to land

Feet over head, or heart first.