Contemplation

I felt like jumping out the window,

Into the raining night.

I remember his advice,

Crazy men die nobly for a cause.

I swear to god I’m crazy.

Because I remember.

I left Elkton hills, flunked Pencey.

Why?

I was surrounded by phonies,

I hate phonies,

Hate everybody in the world.

That’s depressing you say,

I wasn’t permitted to feel myself hit bottom.

My brother Allie died,

Drove my mother crazy,

A whole bottle of aspirin.

I could’ve killed myself,

I felt miserable.

I felt so depressed you can’t imagine,

I really felt like committing suicide.

Teeth, and blood, all over the place.

I’d never get to the other side of the street,

I’d just go down, down, down.

It’s a special kind of fall.

Finally I had to come right out,

I sat down on this bench,

Watched her go around and around.

She looked so damn nice,

It made me feel better, not so depressed anymore.

I went home afterwards.