this was awesome. dont mind neo’s comment he doesnt look from triond.

this truly is awesome and innovative

hey ishan, this is really kewl.. something dat everyone experiences at some point of time in their lifes.. really nice. keep up d good work. u rock man..

nice poem, really touching!

nice one buddy keep going

nice piece.

Its a true experience, very well portrayed from many angles.

your thought was really innovative..that was a nice share…I saw your poems through my freinds profile.

@Aniket, Shushant, Devil, Balkit, Anurag, Seema , Wonder and Sambhafusia…..
Thanks a lot for reading it..and appreciating my work..You will see more soon…!!

DELETE THE FIRST GUYS RMKS POEM IS FINE

great writing! go ahead

nice one..

Poem is fine and well expressed frustration. Well done. If you want any critique (as you asked for) then… try to avoid repetition. Too much of repetition doesn’t look good in a poetry. In your case…
‘I am lost in the mirror asking for identity,
I am living on the sympathy of strangers,
I am standing on the support of losers…’

I feel that you have used ‘I am’ little too much. better to construct those differently.
If you are looking for good poetry website where you can publish your poem then message me.

Great poem.

i like it

I like the flow of thought. You’ve done a wonderful poem.

Good work I’m no poet but it seemed to full nicely and it does describe the inner monologe that drinking gives you. For every nice comment you get unfortunately you get some one who is having a bad day and takes it out on others, ignore them thats my tip for a new Trionder. LB

This has the makings of a very good poem indeed, very well expressed. I would like to see a little more punctuation but perhaps I am just being picky.

Delete that first comment from neo, it seems there are a few sad people around who have no respect for others.

Excellent piece

Nice piece…well done my friend….

This poem speaks volumes!
I find it hauntingly beautiful!

Life is like the roller coaster ride, all the ups and downs and twists and sudden turns…great poem!

excellent

full of feelings and desires.. great poem..

Very good write. Thanks for sharing life’s journey with us.

The remarks of Neo, above should not worry you. People who have never written anything may not appreciate good writing, and I don’t think he read beyond the first line, or beyond the byline. Keep it up!

love this poem… nice write

gud …. but be optimistic

Nice read. loved the last two lines, they were clever and expressed your frustration and despair very well. I do agree with Sourav however on the repetition of some lines/words, this is just a tip for you to think about next time. Well done and welcome!!

Loved the last two lines! very clever and described well. I do agree with Sourav, just a little to much repetition but a great expressive write all the same! well done and welcome.

Great share! Nice work, also give feedback to my work your valuable feedback will help me to improve my writing skills.

delightful.

Nice Poem

well composed poem!

its great article my friend

the poem certainly expresses your frustration. Well done.

Inna

excellent share

Very nice piece! Keep up the great work

Great write. You expressed it very well. Keep it up!

\”play my paused life\” is a brilliant touch. Liked it.

Great poem

Nice flow and colorful words.

Very beautiful poem with excellent choice of words.

very well written. liked it

amazing work

good job

Wow great work

Your poem displays the inner emotion of that voice of poverty.
the imagery is a searching one that fulfils the purpose apart from words slotted in here and there it is fine.

Go get it…

Very good…

This is raw and feels unfinished somehow, perhaps because of the lack of rhythm – and yet that very lack contributes to the feeling of confusion you convey. You might play with it some more and see how it builds. I liked it very much, and felt the emotion behind it. I think many would.

you have express such genuine though sad, you need to polish more on your rhythm to have a better flow.

Very deeply emotional, raw – could use a bit of polish. I loved the last two lines:

“I know it’s kind of impossible to “REWIND” it,
But all I want is to “PLAY” my “PAUSED” life.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we could Rewind life! Unfortunately, pause is not available either. All we get is Play and eventually Stop.

Very well put. I wrote a good article on Cenacolo at my website.

See:
Community Cenacolo: Love, Sacrifice and Hard Work

http://relijournal.com/christianity/community-cenacolo-love-sacrifice-and-hard-work/

Your on the right track at a guess it will come from the heart. Like Karen said the polish will come. Connect your heart and your mind to your poem and the words will connect and come.

Sometimes I go back and improve my poetry and articles.

Takes time. Its good to write its good for those who are creative.

Keep up the good work.

Very different piece, good choice and interesting used of words, but reflecting strong emotion and turmoil of the soul. I liked it.

sourav is right about repetition. The I ams also it should be my steps not the steps…heart pumping high would be more intense….don’t repeat inside on two lines right above each other it is repetitive and spoils the flow. Otherwise great. Kitty add me as friend

great share…..

nice share

Heartfelt and amazing!

Hearfelt and amazing!

well expressed.

very well expressed and amazing work!

Touching and heartfelt.

This is awesome. You have come up with some great phrases here. I like it.

The troubled soul well expressed in verse.

\”I want to PLAY my PAUSED life.\\\” that killed the paper! awesome write

My daughter sometimes feels that way.

that is wicked

Great work

its really very good
its totally written by heart
and of course last sentence \’ I want is to “PLAY” my “PAUSED” life. really really very good yaar

Man, Its unbelievable. Is that you? really heart touch!

…These are not mere words, they are feelingz painted on this canvas. hats off.

with 73 comments and still counting…just thinkin if there is a Chetan Bhagat formation in the poetry world also ? gr88 work dude..keep it up

nice work

A very articulate piece. Beautifully written and full of such passion.

i have come back to read this poem several times. Judging by the comments other readers feel the same that this is a quality piece of writing. Poetry does not usually get so much attention on Triond. Well done.
Oh and thanks for being my friend. I am honoured.