Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse.  Mom at the strip club, Dad smokin grass, I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass, When out on the lawn I heard a freaking loud clatter. I sprung from my couch to see what was the matter, When up on the roof I could see some queer screaming “Frick!”, I knew right then it must be a stone-drunk Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew at that moment the fucker had fell. He filled all our stockings with 12 cases of beer, And a big, old skunkshit for my brother Lemeer. He then rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, The fat fucker blew my chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight, “To hell with you all, I’m gettin some pussy tonight!”