I want to be everything. I want nothing and no one.
I need attention. I need soul food.
I’m hungry for love.
Starved for touch.
Can’t remember or forget the way it felt.
Want to be good- the best. All I can be!
It’s too hard. I want love so much.
Got to be needed.
Cherish is the word. Intense is the feeling.
Makes it hard to sit still.
But I can’t move.
Push and pull.
Why is the question. There is no answer.
Insane the diagnosis.
Woman is the curse.
Emotions so powerful they become physical.
Alone no more. I won’t have it this way.
I won’t go kicking and screaming. I’d never cause a scene.
And yet..it might be fun
Maybe
Could just keep on the same way she does.
Waiting for someone else to take control.
Make it all stop.
Am I like her? No, no never.
But still, I shared her body. Still share her blood.
I shed tears and think I could be contaminated.
Blood, mind, soul it all came from her.
Only makes sense they’d all say.
Thought she was different though. Always acted so pleasant and normal.
Everyone liked her. Except one.
Only one that mattered.
Stop crying you’ve got so much to be grateful for.
Don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
You should pray.
You should smile. Shouldn’t be down.
Jesus loves you…
Even if you are troubled and tortured. Tired and lonely.
Even though you have evil thoughts those you don’t tell anyone about.
I wish my mother were dead.
I wish I had no conscience.
Sometimes I wish something terrible would happen to me. Maybe a car accident.
A horrible disease.Or even an attack from a stranger.
Just to see who would care.
Nevermind.
Just put on a pretty face and smile.
Lock it all up. No one will ever see inside.
Don’t tell for their sakes.
Let everyone lean on you, cry on your shoulder.
When you need to cry use your pillow and be sure no one can hear.