Controversy

 We clash. We bang our heads against each other’s. I speak, you ignore.

You speak and I better listen. See you through my eyes. See how your comments make me miserable and cringe.

 It is so hard to love you, but I do.

It is so hard to like you, so I don’t.

  If I love GOD, my love for him and how I serve and where I serve is between he and I! I can’t stand in judgment for you, and you can’t stand in judgment for me. Could you tolerate someone making you feel that your relationship with God is faulty? Then why do you make me feel that you love him any more than I do? Why is it that when you make a suggestion or just a simple opinion, and I try to make my own choices, you behave as if I am betraying you.

It seems like you are the type of person that no matter how I say you hurt me you never consider my emotions. My feelings are valid. If I say that I feel a certain way, it is because it is true. You have to let me go.  You can’t stifle my growth, cause I am already grown. I know that reading this to you would be just a waste of my time, but if please at the end of this poem keep these thoughts in mind:

“Were you what your mother wanted you to be?

Did you follow her every rule, or did you go anywhere you pleased?

Did you go to church on Sundays and pray the way she prayed?

Or, were you taught a simple repeat after me prayer and say the things I say?

Did you stay in her shadow or did you grow to the light? Did you stay her little daughter or did you grow up to become a mother and a wife? Would you have wanted your mother to try and run your life? Or, would simply want her to teach you the difference between wrong and right? Would you want her to teach you at an early age where your mind is like a sponge? Or, would you want her to tell you when her job is halfway done. Would you want her to hold on to you everyday of your life? Or would you want her to let you grow so you can spread your wings and fly.”

How can I be the adult that I am and have to be, if you won’t let me live my life and be me. You tell me things like I will understand more once I have a child, but I know this one thing; I know I want my daughter to grow up and be a strong proud woman and my son to be a strong intelligent man. I want them to try and be the best human beings they can possibly be.  They should grow and be the best they can be, so they will always remember and say my mother does love me.

Controversy between my mother and I pained me very much. I wanted to be my own person, and one day become the best wife and mother I could possibly be. I wondered how could I stay strong and wise for my family one day if I can’t learn to be that way for me. My life experiences will help me to raise my children better. I can have things to teach them about life and how to prepare them for the future.

 To my mother I love you more than words can say. We have had our share of ups and downs. When I am a wife and mother I may see things a little clearer. I have some what taken off my rose colored glasses and have seen the true colors of the world. Thank you for not letting me do some things I wanted to do. It was you that knew far more than I.  You could see the big picture because your life taught you how to prepare me for things to come. Once again I thank you and love you!