Home » Poetry » Coo Coo Clock

Coo Coo Clock

Milli Mikeleit on Dec 16, 2009
1

So I was about to write something, and the coo coo clock goes off… It made me want to write about it…

Silence breaks through the house.

Not even her breathing can be heard.

All of a sudden she gives a scream.

It’s a coo coo clock’s little bird.

The eerie sound fills the room.

It files away the darkness committed inside.

And the little wooden figurine,

Jumps in and out of it with pride.

This clock continues ticking.

Even if nobody is home.

If it’s owner died, it would tick.

So the Bird wouldn’t feel alone.

For inside the box-like shape of this clock,

Beside all the chains, cogs and the chimes.

A little wooden bird sits waiting.

For the hourly moment to rhyme.

“Coo coo” it yells with it’s wooden lungs.

And the house, it fills with the noise.

From the little wooden bird, sitting and waiting.

Just sitting and waiting, with poise.

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Comments (1)
  • Kip Spleen on Dec 20, 2009

    I like the imagery! If I were to critique one thing, it would be the mention of the third person (her) near the beginning- it just never serves a purpose. That could be easily fixed in one of two ways.

    1- Forget it. Just drop it and be done with it and let the poem start with the silent house and move to focus on the clock and the bird. That works but it is kinda the easy way out.

    2- The more complicated solution is to start with focus on the house, mention the third person (her), and then move to the clock and the bird, but then return to the girl at the end. Maybe keep everything the same, but as a last line use something like-

    The house was silent again, and she remembered to breath

    Oh and drop the she gives a scream line, it just doesn’t work- why would she scream? Did you scream?

    One good writing tip is to never be afraid to just get rid of something. As you go on, you will realize that you want only what is necessary to what you are trying to say. If you are ever unsure if you want to keep something, ask yourself…Do I NEED this part?

    Great work, write on.

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