Yo dudes, let’s party, I got a tale to tell,

It isn’t funny, clever, cool, but I can make it sell,

I realised many years ago I couldn’t keep in time,

My music teacher hated me ‘cause I couldn’t rhyme or read music,

I couldn’t sing a simple tune and I couldn’t keep a beat,

I even tried a dance routine but it’s hard with two left feet,

I tried to write some lyrics, I even wrote a verse,

But they wouldn’t let me finish it ‘cause they thought it might get worse,

They threw me out of music and they closed my open doors,

But I’m gonna get the music staff and I’m gonna settle scores.

I’ll show them that my music has by the gods been blessed,

Of all the rappers in this world I think that I’m the best,

‘Cause I can’t dance and I can’t sing but I can rap like a… something.

So I didn’t give up trying and I didn’t give up hope,

And I didn’t give up music and I didn’t give up dope,

And sure enough, not long ago, I met a guy that said,

“You don’t need talent just to sing a song, those music days are dead,

There are millions of people like you out there who can barely even clap,

If you got no talent and you wanna be rich then all you gotta do is rap,

All you gotta do is rap, all you gotta do is rap!”

Well I thought about it long and hard and I realised he was right,

If I was gonna be a number one then it was gonna take all night,

And so I gave up Thursday night to the jeering of my friends,

But I didn’t let it bother me ‘cause I’ll show ‘em in the end.

I’ll show them that my music has by the gods been blessed,

Of all the rappers in this world I think that I’m the best,

‘Cause I can’t dance and I can’t sing but I can rap like a… something.

Now here I am, a music star, with women, song and wine,

I still ain’t got no talent, but the money’s doing fine,

In fact I saw the music staff and purchased my degree,

They said they liked my latest rap, it’s another one about me,

It says that I’m the meanest dude to ever rap a rap,

I haven’t got the heart to tell my fans that this is crap,

And so they keep on buying all the records that I make,

While I sit back in luxury and try to spend my take,

And every afternoon I’m read the letters from my fans,

Will I bring out another rap? What are my future plans?

Occasionally I get a note that says, “What should I do?

I want to be a megastar, a hero just like you.”

Instead of writing pages telling all the things I did,

I usually send a little note that tells them, “Get lost, kid!”