Sloth needs to be cultivated. It is not as simple as you might think. Often, despite all your attempts to be slothful you find yourself having to, (pardon the expression) “work”.

Now getting out of work is an art. It is also a science.

The “science” of sloth concerns human nature. Just as a little child is jealous when a parent focuses on someone else and will do anything to regain the spotlight, adults have that same fear of “You’re getting more attention than me!”

Aware of that, here is how you maintain your sloth;

Volunteer for a task which requires the input of someone else, for example, creating a Web Page. You are not in charge of content, you are in charge of form. The person in charge of content has to contact you  and give you the content.

It is likely the “Content” person is a scatterbrained moron who will babble to others about how you volunteered. Someone who hears this will say something like;

“Dee? You asked Dee to do it? My (brother, cousin, boyfriend, sister, aunt, nephew, lover) is a
Professional Web Page designer! How could you trust Dee?”

The Content person, whose brain is scattered, will then say,

“Okay, get your (brother, cousin, boyfriend, sister, aunt, nephew, lover) to do it.”

Meanwhile, Dee is doing absolutely nothing waiting to be contacted about the Content.

As there are millions of people terrified that you might get a toe up, might become ‘important’, might get all that attention;  no matter what it is,  these people will always have someone ‘better’ to do it.

Once you find out you have been supplanted, squawk. In this way people will believe you actually wanted to do the work.

As it is a law of nature that you must never get what can be denied, you will not be asked to do anything ever again.  Trust me on this, the number of lots of work/no pay activities I have volunteered for during my life
time could fill a telephone book. The number of times my offer has been take up could fit in a fortune cookie.

This is the “art” of sloth. One must appear to be ambitious and active. This will belie the fact that you are so lazy that if you had to take two steps to find the remote will continue to watch a test signal.

If by any chance you volunteer for something, and are really are expected to do it, do it too well. Do it so
fantastically well that you make everyone else look bad.

Yes, I know this totally destroys your sloth, but only for the time it takes to perform this task. Once everyone sees how incredibly competent you are they will never ask you again.  This is because you make them look bad. For the rest of your life you will be allowed to enjoy your sloth while never being considered lazy.