He’s got his eyes on her chest

Because he’s heard she is the best

From the lad with the Nova

Who said he got his leg over

He’s heard she’s really tight

Or at least he hopes he heard it right

He’ll drink another Stella

And get the courage to come over

She’s drinkin’ halves

And all her friends are on white wine

There’s a load of fat birds

And they’re all drinkin’ pints

They’re the “easy option”

But he likes a bird with class

So he’ll drink another Strongbow

And get the courage to go and pinch her arse.

He’s gone for a piss

Six snakebites later

He’s got the punch and sexual drive

Of an alligator

He’s going to march in there

And knock some rude boys over

Another shot of vodka

And he’ll have to courage to go and fuck her.

©  Keith Arthur