He was it all

He was a smile.

He was blue eyes.

He was just a boy.

He was tall.

He was muscular.

He was just a boy.

He could be mine.

He would let me be his.

He was just a boy.

He seemed damaged.

He could be fixed by me.

He was just a boy.

He was so close to me.

He couldn’t be any closer.

He was just a boy.

It was just about time

To head out, so I slid

away from Nolan,

& lifted myself off the couch.

I never wanted to leave his heat.

But it was just about seven,

& he had some plans for us.

I’m not sure what it is yet,

but it should be fun.

The ride there wasn’t long at all.

We barely listened to a whole

song on the radio before

we pulled into a driveway.

We got out of Nolan’s truck

& headed up the driveway

towards the door.

They must have seen us coming

because the door flung open

before we even reached it.

“Nolaannn! My man”

Aaron burst-ed out of the door.

The air smelt a little funky

Kind of like the kids in the parking lot

at our school.

Always coughing & surrounded in smoke.

Not only smoke from cigarettes.

Is that what was going on here?

I guess Aaron did seem wasted on something.

We walked into the living room

& took a seat next to each other.

Nolan looked relaxed completely,

but not me. I had no idea what we were doing.

“No, what’s with all the smoke?”

I whispered while everyone was busy.

“Don’t worry Em, it’s just a little weed”

He smiled.

Just a little weed? I’ve never

even tried marijuana before.

Did he expect me to?

Or was I just suppose to watch.

That would be too awkward..

Maybe I could just try it.

At least I won’t attract much attention,

if I’m doing what everyone else is.

“Are you in on this Emma?”

Aaron looked up from the joint he was rolling.

We sat in a circle

Nolan slid over on the sofa,

moving closer to me.

I could feel the heat of his thigh,

but this isn’t what scared me.

What scared me was the smoke.

The smoke that he blew,

it swirled around the room

as if it was trying to lure me. 

Would I give in? 

Would it really be all that bad? 

What if it was what I needed to do?

What if it was what he expected?

He passed me the joint,

smoke trailing behind it.

I didn’t know to smoke anything,

I’ve never even tried a cigarette.

Everyone is looking,

So I pinch the rolled paper

between my sweating fingers.

I hope they can’t see I’m nervous.

I wonder if they know it’s my first time.

Surely they can read my expression.

Thank god they can’t read my thoughts.

But what if they could?

As I lift my hand to my mouth,

I notice Nolan watching me.

He’s smiling, like he knows.

He knows this is for him.

I choke. I cough. I hunch over.

Gasping for breath I lift my arm,

passing this smokey killer to the right.

It continues on, only choking me out.

Every time.

You’re going to be so high

That’s what they say when you cough.

They make it seem like it’s a good thing,

you should be glad you’re coughing.

They say it makes you higher if you do.

It didn’t make sense to me,

until I really thought about it.

Maybe when you cough,

the smoke gets pushed down & out faster.

Making it forceful, hitting you hard.

The harder you are hit by something,

shouldn’t it make you higher?

But I’m not a scientist or anything.

They we’re right though, I was.

Now I knew what it meant to fly.

I had never felt anything like this before,

& I felt like it would last forever.