My mother
blamed women studies coursework,
badly behaved men,
and the self-loathing she assumed existed
within my personal psyche
for the bisexuality I confessed
that summer evening
on Sasha’s borrowed cell in Jana’s house
a baker’s dozen summers’ ago.

I remember hiding
afterwards unable to answer
phone for three months solid
for fear of being found.

I remember moving
from friend’s house
to friend’s house and
new assistant to new assistant.
One big ball of perpetual motion.

I remember thinking
it would be so much easier
to surrender to my mother’s will
than trying to survive this way,
but deciding I was simply
to proud to resubmit soul
to someone else’s decision making power.

Despite the hardship,
that particular summer was
I remember absolute joy
at never having to unqueer
my house, bookshelf, life again
merely because the ‘rents were visiting.