I’ve been thinking about this entry all day long. Where to start? Where to end is the more important question. I’ve been holding emotions in for a very long time, and ive run out of people to bore with my constant ranting, so I’ve made the transition to the internet. But, this is not the topic of this entry. What I will try to accomplish is getting stuff off of my chest. I am tired of holding this in, and I’m opening up to anyone who is willing to read this.

So, I will just open up on how my personality has changed over the last couple of years. Basically, as soon as I hit middle school, i immediately became part of a “group” of friends. Gone were the days of harmlessly playing around with whoever you wanted, because kids in middle school begin judging people based on menial things that just didn’t matter in the lower echelons of schooling. So 7th grade was fine, no real big occurrences there, other than the judging. But in 8th grade, I decided to become different. I grew tired of being what everyone else wanted me to be and became my own person. I grew my hair out and started wearing darker clothes. Almost as soon as I walked into the school that morning, the constant nags began. “What happened?”, “why’d you go Goth on us?”. At first, I shrugged it off; I ignored them. But it kept coming, day after day people judged, and day after day i drifted further apart from general society. By the halfway point in the school year, I was an emotional wreck; I had resulted to destructive behaviors such as cutting (which I’ve long quit). When people saw those, it only got worse.

I’ve developed a cynical attitude towards people. I make judgments quickly, and I stick to them. People still continue to judge me. In fact, the first day of high school, I was accused of being stoned simply because I was tired and my eyes were red. If I looked like a normal person, that wouldn’t have happened, but my hair is long for a guy, so I was stereotyped as a stoner, only adding to my hate towards the general populace.

I spend a lot of time alone, which may sound bad, but has also opened a lot of doors for me creatively. It was during one of my lonely nights that I got into writing, and I’m proud to say I am excellent at it, it’s saved my life. I also have developed as a squash player. I’m not incredible, but I’m just learning.

At school, I walk around with a fake smile and say hi to people that say it first. I’ve gone from an overly charismatic person to somewhat of a loner.
Just a short post for now will continue this baggage in the next one.

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